Thursday, August 30, 2007

Forgive and Forget

I spent the entire morning the other day with the only other person that knows me other then Keith, talking about how easily it is for us to say I forgive you for a wrong doing. But part of the forgiveness process involves forgetting the incident totally. We talked about something that happened in my life that took my breath away. I have always been capable in forgiving people who had wronged me in whatever way and then moved on with my life. But a wrong was done to me But this has left me in a stew pot for 2 months now. As a practicing Christian I was taught the Golden Rule, do the right thing, and forgive and forget. And one of us would say but I forgave them last time and then did it again and mom would say you have to do it 70 times 70 as Christ told us.

And now being a Latter Day Saint being able to forgive and forget needs to be done or you do not go to the temple. You can not go in their with a grudge or bad thoughts in your mind heart or soul. I am 51 years old and this is the first time I have not forgiven and it will be a long time before I can forget. So what do I do?It is not something that I can fixed; I am just very hurt. My friend and I talked for hours that morning saying how people seem to say those two words "I forgive you" but then then bring it up at every disagreement or when they want to drive a point across.

To me I have always had both of them together I forgive and I forget and I move on with my life. And that was the reason why the call with my friend. After a few hours yakking we really had not accomplished more of anything else. I won't be able to go to the temple now till I get that sorted out. And that is going to hurt. I could just go anyway but seeing as they do ask the patrons there if anyone has any bad feelings towards the others you may want to step away, I have such a gullible face they would seek me out with a missile let me tell you,

Then we talked about how I had forgiven this person on his death bed and I had told him that and I told him how hard it had been to live with that kind of garbage but I told him I loved him and all was forgotten. He said I know and in a split second had a stroke and never regained consciousness. So if I already forgive for the things that happened in our youth then does that count for the new stuff I just got knowledge of? I don't know what to do. It is all I can think of all summer and it is filling me with feelings that had long been buried, Some that had been forgotten for many decades. Only now they are all resurfacing at the same time and it is sensory overload. I do not know what to do. How do you forgive someone that is dead?


Anonymous said...

I understand what you are saying.
It is meant in the best intentions when saying that you forgive and forget, but at times the hurt comes hurling up again and there's not a darn thing you can do about it. Just accept that it happens and move on from there.
Don't burden yourself with guilt when the guilt is not yours to bear. Be reminded that choices were made and that the end result doesn't neccessarily mean there will be no forgetting.
Love You

Sally said...

thank you anonymous for your words.. Nice of you to post on my blog? Are you a new person.. do I know you??

Anonymous said...

Take one day at a time, pray for guidance from up above.
He said " I am the way, the truth and the light. Be not afraid, only believe."
If you believe, one day at a time, forgetting will fade and you will not remember who and for what it is you took so long to forget.

Love You

Sally said...

thanks anonymous.. are the original anonymous or a new one.. you can put your name at the bottom of your message or you can live it leave it too that ok :) I am just happy you are posting :)

Carmen said...

You know Sally, I think you are in the BEST position to really be able to forgive and completely forget. The dead cannot harm us anymore. They are gone. There is no constant reminder of what they have done. You don't have to talk to them anymore... Or see them anymore... You don't even have to look at photos anymore. You CAN truly move on. The most wonderful thing about the Gospel is that now that person has to atone for their sins. And it was THEIR SIN! Not yours. Not your guilt. I agree with anonymous - this is not your sin to bear! This is not your burden to carry! Use the atonement. I love you lots!!!!

Anonymous said...

To what purpose would it serve for you to keep remembering what you are trying to forget.
The only person who is still suffering is you, by remembering. Accept and move on is all you can do.

Sally said...

I remember because I am angry and don't have an outlet for my anger and so it sits in my brain from every single second that is not occupied with whatever, up crops the thoughts and it starts all over again

Anonymous said...

Then you need to let go of the anger. Remember the good times instead of the bad. I'm sure for every bad memory there will be two or three good ones. If the good memories outweigh the bad then eventually the good will win over bad. And isn't that the ultimate goal??