I have become my mother. I am not sure when that happened but all of a sudden today I realized I have become my mother. Keith came home on Monday as I was putting the last load of laundry in the wash and I asked him to change and I could get his work clothes in the load. He was putzing around and I asked him finally a 3rd time and he said Sally don't worry about it, I can just put them in the hamper and they can go in another day. I told him no they had to go in then and when he asked why I said cause it's Monday. He stopped his work on the laptop and said what does Monday have to do with putting my clothes in the wash and I said cause I do laundry on Monday.
Yesterday I was making a pot of home made soup for dinner and when he came home he asked what was for dinner and I said homemade soup like always. He said what do you mean like always we didn't have soup yesterday or the day before and I replied no but it's Tuesday I always make soup with leftovers and meat bones from whatever I had roasted on the weekend. Still no clue.
Today I was coming home from my walk with my granddaughters and was trying to remind myself to get some ground turkey out of the freezer when I got home to make meatloaf and then all of a sudden I had a light bulb moment. It was Wednesday. My mom always made meatloaf on Wednesdays... and laundry and home made bread on Mondays, and home made soup from leftovers on Tuesdays. It took the girls asking me why I was stopping to bring me around to conscious thinking again but it made me think of all the things I do in my day to day life that is so like my mother.
Phrases I use like paper toilet instead of toilet paper, close the lights instead of turn off the lights, insides of the fridge cleaned on the 1st Saturday of the month, bed linens changed on Fridays, recipes I use that are hers, the laughing in the middle of the night for no reason just cause I am over tired and can't sleep, the locking of the doors at night and then getting up again to go check them once more, the snorts that come out of my nose from laughing too hard and not being able to catch my breath, the lullabies I sing to my grandchildren, the serving of everyone else at the table before I serve myself, and the list goes on.
I remember quite vividly telling myself growing up, that when I became an adult and moved away from home I was going to be so different... my children were NEVER going to have chores, they were going to be able to stay up as late as they wanted, I was never going to say "because I said so" I would always give my children a proper answer, my children would be allowed to have freedom to go where they wanted when they wanted and never need chaperones, my children were never going to have to babysit their younger siblings, dinners would be made of cool foods that had nothing to do with health. What ever happened to those thoughts? Where did I cross the line between wanting to be a fun parent to being a responsible parent? Actually when did I become a responsible adult in the first place?
After we got home and I got the girls settled with their craft stuff I called my mom and we talked for over an hour about absolutely nothing. We talked about things of old, things we had done together, we talked about being mothers and grandmothers. We talked about nonsense stuff that only a mother and daughter would find interesting. After we said I love you and that we had to go a dozen times and actually hung up, I realized that being my mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. I mean really, I come from her and I think she is a pretty cool grandmother, my granddaughters think I am Barbie pretty (quote and unquote) so had bad could it really be to be my mother. I can think of many worse things.
I look forward to seeing her next weekend when I fly out. I'm not looking forward to the reason I am flying out but I know that when all is said and done we still will have each other and she loves me unconditionally. I can't think of a better person to be like then my mom.