Forgive and Forget

I spent the entire morning the other day with the only other person that knows me other then Keith, talking about how easily it is for us to say I forgive you for a wrong doing. But part of the forgiveness process involves forgetting the incident totally. We talked about something that happened in my life that took my breath away. I have always been capable in forgiving people who had wronged me in whatever way and then moved on with my life. But a wrong was done to me But this has left me in a stew pot for 2 months now. As a practicing Christian I was taught the Golden Rule, do the right thing, and forgive and forget. And one of us would say but I forgave them last time and then did it again and mom would say you have to do it 70 times 70 as Christ told us.

And now being a Latter Day Saint being able to forgive and forget needs to be done or you do not go to the temple. You can not go in their with a grudge or bad thoughts in your mind heart or soul. I am 51 years old and this is the first time I have not forgiven and it will be a long time before I can forget. So what do I do?It is not something that I can fixed; I am just very hurt. My friend and I talked for hours that morning saying how people seem to say those two words "I forgive you" but then then bring it up at every disagreement or when they want to drive a point across.

To me I have always had both of them together I forgive and I forget and I move on with my life. And that was the reason why the call with my friend. After a few hours yakking we really had not accomplished more of anything else. I won't be able to go to the temple now till I get that sorted out. And that is going to hurt. I could just go anyway but seeing as they do ask the patrons there if anyone has any bad feelings towards the others you may want to step away, I have such a gullible face they would seek me out with a missile let me tell you,

Then we talked about how I had forgiven this person on his death bed and I had told him that and I told him how hard it had been to live with that kind of garbage but I told him I loved him and all was forgotten. He said I know and in a split second had a stroke and never regained consciousness. So if I already forgive for the things that happened in our youth then does that count for the new stuff I just got knowledge of? I don't know what to do. It is all I can think of all summer and it is filling me with feelings that had long been buried, Some that had been forgotten for many decades. Only now they are all resurfacing at the same time and it is sensory overload. I do not know what to do. How do you forgive someone that is dead?

Perfect Tan

As I was putting my flip flops on this morning to go out, I realized just how tanned my feet were compared to the white lines of the sandals. Then I noticed just how white the rest of my legs were past my calves.. of course that led to checking out my arms and neck and thought OH MY GOSH I have the ultimate farmer's tan!!! The kind that I used to laugh at and make fun of in my idiot youth years and swore up and down I would never have ONE of those tans....

Goes to show you what thought thought of that thought huh? It has been just so rainy here since spring who wants to wear shorts out yet I so hate to wear shoes so I would just wear my flip flops. I guess I never got sunscreen on my feet. I never suntan. Ever. Not that I can't I just choose not to. I never leave the house even in the middle of winter without at least a SPF 30 on my face, neck and arms. No thanks.. too much cancer in my family to bake and fry. But looking at my arms and feet I guess I have to come up with an alternate plan next year hehehe

Steak and Potatoes

I got this off our son Kim's site :)
1. If I looked in your trunk, what would I find?
I have a Jeep so don't have a trunk

2. Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?
Open if there are no males here.

3. Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawers, or just thrown in?
Folded.

4. Sleep on your back or stomach?
sides

5. Are you a cuddler?
Yes

6. What would I find if I looked under your bed?
My side? A honking big black flashlight to fight off the boogeyman. On Keith's side? His slippers and whatever toy he was playing with the cat before he went to sleep

7. Something that happened today that has made you mad?
I was not mad today.

8. What were you doing before this survey?
Watched Celebrity Fit Club.. I will be sooooo happy when real shows come on tv next month

9. What will you do after this survey?
hmmm clean my office if I get my 2nd wind

10. Marriage or living together?
Marriage

11. What are you wearing right now?
pink jammies and kiddie pink socks that have those non slip thingies on the bottom as we all know I do tend to slip and slide into things

12. How many times have you been in love?
twice

13. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Only talk about them with 2 people in my life.. the rest of the world sees a happy face :)

14. Someone that has died that you want to see in Heaven?
my Mom's dad

15. Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
yup

16. First thing you do when you wake up?
hit the snooze button

17. Last person you told you love them?
Keith

18. Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
Depends.

19. Bite or Lick?
depends on what is in front of me with the choice

20. Last argument you got into?
hmmm can't remember the last time I got into an actual arguments. I get into disagreements a lot but I just keep giving the other person more information till they end up agreeing with me :)

21. Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
No why would I do that? then I would have to clean it up

22. If the mob was after you, what would you do?
why would they be after me?

23. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
When I "shut it off" no I get up, but if I hit the snooze button I do sometimes go back to sleep. And actually I turn off my alarm clock Kim I don't shut it off :)

24. If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?
No ewww gross I saw one pick it's butt on tv the other day then smelt his finger!

25. What is the current advertisement on the side of the screen?
None, thankfully

26. What are you looking forward to in the next few weeks?
my wedding anniversary

27. When will you turn 50?
been there done that last summer

28. If you were being chased by an alligator, what would you do?
same answer as the mob one.. why would I be chased by an alligator? I live in BC

29. How many pillows are on your bed?
only 7

30. What song are you currently listening to?
before I started this, the theme song to CSI NY

31. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
nope

32. If you caught a significant other cheating on you what would you do?
forgive and forget?

33. What time did you wake up this morning?
5 when Keith woke up and asked me if I had made his lunch

35. Can you imagine yourself living in a cardboard box?
no!!

36. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Keith

37. What is the WORST subject they teach in school?
when I was in school it wax Catechism..

38. Where do you plan on living when you retire?
right here.. unless I can convince all my kids to move to Fort Langley with me :)

39. What was your dream this morning?
which one? The one that was most vivid was that I was living with Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed

40. How many times have you seen your favourite movie?
too many to even begin to count

41. Where was the last place you travelled?
Nanaimo

42. How was your past weekend?
it was good.. finished with my camping

43. What is your favourite song?
Remember When by Alan Jackson

44. If puppies stayed small forever, would you buy one?
yes cause puppies are sooooo cute.

45. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Vanilla

46. Do you think you are attractive?
hmmm not really although Keith says I am but as my hubby he's the designator agreerer

47. Is someone on your mind right now?
yup my mom cause she is under a lot of stress and I was going to call her but when I got to the phone I forgot who I was going to call so decided to check my mail then saw this survey then remembered just as I read this question but now it's too late with the time difference

48. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Yes.

49. Do you worry about how you look?
No.

50. Would you ever change for a boy/girl?
I used to in my youthful idiot years

51. Pro-life or Pro-choice?
Both.

52. Have you ever been on stage?
Many times

53. Can you whistle?
Yes

54. Would you do anything for that special someone?
well I wouldn't kill for them so I guess that would be a no

55. Do you know who Stewie Griffeth is?
no even after reading Kim's answer of the Family Guy I still don't know who/what that is

56. Do you have any plans for today?
just crash

57. Are you friends with guys or girls?
Yes.

58. Why?
because I live in a world made up with guys and girls DUH

59. Have you ever thought a friend could be more than a friend?
Yes and I kept giving him more information till he agreed with me :)

60. Do you like the beach?
Yes, and what are you saying Kim? That we don't have bathing suits out here?"

61. What colour is your toothbrush?
blue and white

62. What makes you laugh?
Keith

63. Are you ticklish?
yes but very few people know where and we are going to keep it that way.

Your turn :)

Good Morning to me

Well I am having a great start to my day. My alarm goes off and I rolled over to turn it off not realizing I was laying EXACTLY on the edge of the bed and I rolled onto the floor. My left hip hit the cedar chest and my head hit the book shelf. Wonderful. I decided I was still tired so I would take the bus to work rather then walking meaning I could change the alarm to sleep an extra 45 minutes. Great. Then it goes off again and I look at the time falling out of bed once again when I saw it was 9:30!! I am supposed to be at work at 9:45 and have missed my bus. I am flying around the house trying to get ready when I notice the digital machine showing just past 8:30. I checked all the other clocks and they all say the same 8:30ish. I go back to the bedroom and figured when I changed the alarm time to wake up I must have also changed the time. Hey I was more then half asleep. As I went to get changed I noticed a hard "lump" stuck to my stomach and the inside of my clothes. I thought what the heck?? So I lifted up my top to find a kids half eaten sucker stuck on me. What the heck is that doing there?????

I hate rushing like that. I trip over things, run into things and I don't give my muscles enough time to wake up properly and stretching. Oh well... now that my adrenaline rush is over I guess I can calmly walk to work now. Happy Morning to Me!!

Back Home

Well it's the last week of the summer (where it went is beyond me) and I sit and think about what I have accomplished. I had several building projects I wanted to do as well as refinish my dining room table but never got around to it. Things just seemed to get in the way. We did manage a week of camping and did spend a week with our one son and his family from Lethbridge but even that went by so fast.

I must be getting old. I remember my mother talking with her mom and sisters saying the older they got the faster time flew by. At the time when all I could think of was to leave home, I thought time was going by TOO slowly. Now I understand. On Saturday I realized that it was 4 months exactly till Christmas. Are you kidding me????

It hasn't totally been a wasted summer though. I have started a family history web site (still under construction though) and am working on my online store business. I have been putting pictures in groups for some scrapbook albums and that is always a time consuming task. I also sewed a dress for one of my granddaughters. She was a flower girl for her uncle's wedding.

I also have been bike riding. Although people that say you never forget how to ride a bike no matter how long it has been don't tell you that you may not forget HOW to do it but you DO forget how jelly like your legs become when you try and get off. I am also almost done with my first novel.. a little more then 3/4 done I think so all in all I guess it hasn't been a completely wasted summer although I did want to accomplish more with my time.

The picture of the tomato plate (thanks Kim) are of my last tomatoes from my one plant pot, and fresh basil that I grew from scratch this spring. I added fresh bocconcini cheese from an Italian deli and it tasted like heaven... yummy.. although Keith did look at it and turned up his nose. There is no accounting for taste.

The other picture is of our grandchildren from Alberta. It was taken just before they left for the wedding. The blue dress is the one I made. Well that is it I think for today. Same old same old different day. But on a good ending note.. it is almost NO RERUNS season coming.. yea!!!! All new shows on tv. I hate reruns!

IT'S HERE!! IT'S HERE!!!

I opened up my front door last night and I got so excited! The Sears Wishbook was on my doorstep! WOOOHOO!.. I still turn into a kid when I get it.. have to sit down and go through every single page slowly to absorb everything in it. It's like Christmas shopping without all the crowds etc. Happy day!

Letter to Normals

Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.

I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.

You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....

Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....

Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.

I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….

Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.

And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….

On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.

So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….

Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand….

Obsolete

Well I got a first tonight. We went to Costco to get some groceries after supper and while we were standing in line I remembered I needed more film so off I went. Our Costco has been going through renovations last couple of months (very annoying to say the least) and I couldn't find the film in the electronic department where they usually are. Thinking they had been moved although why I don't know as the cameras were still in the same place, and not wanting to take more time I asked an employee where they were.

He smiled at me and said we don't carry them anymore. I said ha ha really my husband is already in line can you just point me in the right direction. He said I am sorry but we don't carry regular film anymore. Stupidly I asked why not? He said cause no one uses regular film anymore and it just took up too much space. Are you kidding me???? Am I the only one that still uses a regular camera? He said well if you go to a department store you can probably find some there. Yeah right at 1o times the cost.

Not a happy camper let me tell you. This on the evening of a Halloween party at the campground Saturday, a granddaughter's blessing at church on Sunday, family dinner that night with ALL our children there (not a small feat by any stretch of the imagination) and son's family here all next week. Sure I want to go pay 10 bucks a roll of film.. sniff sniff

Elder Faust

All,

Sad news to report this morning. KSL in Salt Lake City is reporting the passing early this morning of Elder James E. Faust, 2nd counselor in the First Presidency. Elder Faust was 87, and passed away due to complications associated with old age. What a dear, sweet man he was, and his good example and kindness will be dearly missed.

Cutural Differences

I was watching a movie late last night with a story line of how 2 different cultures clashed. A young couple was getting married with the bride being Jewish and the groom being Italian. Now both of them were Americans and had been in the US for several generations. The story goes on about how, even though they were both the same as in American, when they started planning the wedding and the 2 families started in, they might as well have been from 2 different planets.

After I had gone to bed and should have been asleep I kept thinking of the movie. I thought about how multicultural the Lower Mainland (Vancouver area) is. But I wondered if that really had anything to do with it. I come from a small town in Saskatchewan. The town was about 99.99% French. Every body was the same. I didn't know that the rest of the world did not behave or do the things that we did or believed in.

Even if I had just seen my grandparents a few days prior, if I was to meet them again it was with an embrace and either a kiss on the lips or one on both cheeks. Imagine my surprise when I left home and moved to the big city of Moose Jaw to find out that kind of behavior was likely to get you smacked across the head. I thought maybe it was because of being raised in a small town, but then remembered when my Quebec relatives would come to visit they did the same thing.

In the States their main holiday is Thanksgiving. Every one goes home for that holiday more then for Christmas but for the French it is Christmas. You go to midnight mass then to your grandparents for gift opening and a reveillon ( a full dinner). There was music and dancing till the morning. I have a very good friend who is 100% Italian and although French and Italian are miles apart we have at least one thing common in our cultures. Without your family you have nothing. Every single event is celebrated with your family and with food. You never knew you were poor cause there was always lots to eat. And when you are a kid, that is the most important thing!!

There are members at our church who are South American. They celebrate every thing with dance and music. South Asian culture the same. One could argue that immigrants bring these cultures from their countries. But my dad's family has been in Canada since the early 1500's, my mom's family since the 1700's. There has been plenty of time to change our culture but it hasn't changed.

What makes us so unique and yet in some ways, so alike? Is one culture more important then another? When do you stop doing things of the "old days" and start assimilating what is around you? When do we stand up for what we believe in and what is a part of us? When is it ok to let something go as not important anymore? Does that happen when we reach a certain age? Should people stand their ground? Do we give in too easily?

When we lived in Regina, every June was a huge event called Mosaic. It was a culmination of just about every known land and culture. It was a 4 day event that was spread out over the entire city. Every nation that participated would have a big arena, school gym, conference centre etc. to display what was important to their culture. It was free to attend. You could pick your actual passport at any Safeway store and as you went from one venue to another you would get it stamped. There was always tasters food tidbits that were free but of course you could also buy meals there. They all had entertainment going on from 10AM to 1AM. During this 4 day period you only had to show your passport to any bus driver and the bus fare was waived. So very few people drove.

I used to think all Asian people looked alike till I went to their venue my first year. First they had a female dancer in full national dress doing their national dance. Then they would have all 5-6 females coming on the stage at once and then you could really see the different characteristics that made each unique. At the French venue you had maple syrup and logging contests, lots of loud music, and of course the infamous Tourtiere.

I loved that event and we booked sitters well in advance so that we could go. During those 4 days there was never yours or mine, it was our country and we were all Canadian. I wish we had that still here. I miss being French out here. I miss speaking in French, I miss the traditions of everything family although people that know us here would wonder what I was talking about as we do everything with our children. But it isn't the same as being in a town where everyone was related to each other, every one spoke the same language, everyone was the same. Now I feel we are no longer Canadian. We are Indo-Canadian, African-Canadian, etc. At times I wish we weren't such a melting pot of cultural differences but were rather one and the same. Which of course would be French :-D

Charity Never Faileth

Yes I know that is the name of my blog but it truly does work!! I had promised our 11 year old granddaughter a "new" bike for awhile and have been scoping second hand stores for one that fit my budget but hadn't been successful. She really wanted one to take camping with us so this morning I called and asked if she wanted to go to Salvation Army to check it out once again as they always have bikes there. We get there and of course there isn't one. She was disappointed and when we got into the van I just had a feeling inside of me and asked my daughter if she wanted to go to Value Village to check that store out even though it was at the other end of the city. They always have tons of bikes there and she said sure.

We drive all the way there and of course there are 2 tricycles and one small 2 wheeler. We were just standing there for a minute trying to think of where else to look when a man that had been standing right beside us looking at something else asks us if we were looking for a bike and what kind. I am always hesitant talking to strange men (besides Keith and my sons of course) but it looked like he was with his teenage daughter so I explained what we were looking for. I told him she was too short for an adult women's bike but had too long of legs for a regular kid's bike.

He asked me how much shorter I thought Britnee was compared to his daughter and I said probably about 6 inches. He said we have one at home that she hasn't used in a couple of years if you want to come take a look at it you can have it. Again I hesitated but asked how much and where did he live. He said in Guildford area and if I picked it up and it fit I could just take it. I thought sure it's free it must be rusted out or missing brakes etc but figured out what could I lose?

So we made arrangements and got his address. He said he was going to head over right away and just make sure it was still there in the garage. He calls about 30 minutes later and said yes it was there. We were just a couple of minutes away so kept heading over. I really was expecting an old rusty bike but here was this wonderfully kept CCM bike ready for us! Not only was it ready but he had already oiled the gears and the brakes and was riding it on his driveway when we drove up to make sure everything still worked.

Britnee tried it and rode a bit down the back lane and it fit her like a glove. She was soooo excited! I thought ok here goes the sales pitch. I asked again what he wanted for it and he just simply said "Nothing just take it away". We loaded it up and I turned to him and his daughter and we both thanked them again. I told him that they would be blessed for doing this for this young girl.

Who said the Golden Rule no longer applies? Who said there isn't good people out there anymore? Who said that no one shows charity anymore? Today I would beg to differ.

Raining again

I am so sick of this rain. I swear we have not had more then one nice week at a time this summer yet. Supposed to be same weather tomorrow. I am sitting here with a thick hoodie on over a shirt and thick socks AND debating whether or not I will turn the heat registers on!! But I won't cause it is the principle of the whole thing. It is summer so you can't turn on furnaces!

So it was back to work today at the Family History Centre. I have never worked mornings before but with so many people on holidays including managers I volunteered. Must have been a good pain day the day I did that schedule hehhee. It was so busy today we could hardly keep up between people checking in, the phones, and the questions. I had even brought a storey book to read and never even touched it. But being busy there is a good thing. Especially for summer. I am there every day this week so will have to plan my work then work the plan cause I still have to finish getting things together for the garage sale on Saturday and finish getting the trailer cleaned to reload it as well as finish packing stuff for it and finally get the house ready for Kim and Mary when they get here next Thursday,,, WHEWW I am already tired just from making my list! Better go have a nap

Camping and granddaughters

I can't remember the last time I was this excited about a coming up camping trip. Camping is my absolute favorite pastime and I could do it 24/7. My ultimate is going up in the mountains with nothing around you but the mountains and a creek or river for fishing. But this coming weekend has me smiling every time I think of it.

It will be the first time that our 3 1/2 year old granddaughter will ever go camping and although not the first time that our 2 1/2 year old will be going with us, she really was too young last summer to remember.

I have been out shopping for new things we needed for last couple of weeks with things starting to stack up. Rosaleen and Miranda have seen these cool things in the house and keep taking them out of the storage bins to show us and we have to keep saying "put it back that's for camping". They have no idea what camping means except that when we finally get to do it they will have their own new Dora and Princess dishes and cutlery, new Dora and Pooh beach play toys, new sleeping bags and all those treats and mini cereal boxes and their eyes keep growing.

Miranda can't pronounce words beginning with "sw" but swimming and being on swing sets are her favorite pastimes right up there with pushing her babies in her stroller. So for last couple of days she keeps saying "I'm going wimming and winging at camping right Nana?" How can you not love them hehehehe

They don't understand "pretty soon" or "later" just they know every time they ask are we going there now they get told pretty soon and then they say "in a little bit right Nana"? Yup in a little bit. But the highlight was when Papa brought the trailer home on Saturday and they both were here Saturday night and got to go inside and saw where they were going to sleep with their new sleeping bags then we had to tell them nooooo it still isn't time to go yet. Brings on a whole new meaning of "Are we there yet?"

Yup I can't remember the last time Nana was so excited at going camping hehehehehe. Just 6 more big sleeps!

Update on missing cousin Darrell Cloutier

I don't know which is worse... After 3 1/2 months of being gone, either knowing for sure he is dead and you no longer have hope but can move on with your life, or else not knowing anything and keeping what little faith you have left but your whole life is on hold as you wait and wait and wait. Sheer frustration! http://www.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/story.html?id=a2746ba9-1e9a-4518-9aa8-a0660eda05fb

New Drugs

I was at my doctor's this past week for several reasons but one of them was the fact that my shins have so many bruises on them that I hate to wear shorts anymore. Some of the bruising is so bad that they are perpetually there and I have these dark spots. I have variating degrees of bruising colors from purple and blue from fresh ones to green and yellow ones from older bruises.

Now where are these bruises coming from? They come from me. They are from kicking myself from muscles twitching in my legs during the night. The one medication that I have been on for several years obviously is no longer working. She went over my report from the UBC sleep clinic to see if there were new methods of help that they suggested that perhaps we had not tried yet but nope.. been there have done them all.

So after much discussion I finally agreed to try a new drug. Which normally would not be such a bad thing but the major side effects of this one are "tendencies to do self harm or harm others; anxiety attacks, unusual behavior, panic attacks, seizures". How exciting!! Keith asked if our life insurance was up to date and not thinking replied of course why? He said well if you kill me now you can say it was because of the medication and get away with it lol. Goof ball

I have also had to go back on my medication for my acid reflux. I haven't had to take it for 2 years since I had lost all my excess weight. We couldn't figure out why it has come back. $218.00 for one month has not impressed me. But then waking up while choking on a mouthful of bile doesn't impress me either. Hopefully both issues can be quickly fixed or at least lessened. I am going on holidays in a week and want to be able to relax.

Fashion Dictator

Yesterday when I was at Playland I spent a lot of time sitting down waiting for children to finish their rides and 2 things struck me. I am a people watcher. I love just sitting somewhere and watching people go by. When I was growing up only the poorest of the poor wore flip flops. Only they were called thongs back then. We had them for the summer but I hated wearing them because then everyone would know we were poor. Like they didn't already know this. My sister and I had good sandals but they were for church or special occasions not for wearing out every day. So I went barefoot for the most part. Now they are a part of most people's wardrobe. Probably 3/4's of the people there yesterday wore them.

Another thing I noticed were the majority of the young girls and women wore 2 t-shirts. One lacy one and then another on top. I keep getting told it isn't 2 t shirts one is a tank top. Ok that is just semantics. Just because the one you wear underneath does not have sleeves doesn't mean the rest of the shirt isn't a whole shirt. It was 28 yesterday. My shirt was sticking to my back. I couldn't even comprehend why someone would want to wear another shirt on top!

It made me think of who comes up with these rules of fashion? Who decides that this year we're going to have people do this? It is like we are all puppets and when the Puppet Master pulls on their strings we have to dance to their tune and do what they dictate to us.

It is stupid. It really really is. Do fashion designers all sit at a conference table and say hey women aren't buying enough shirts so let's make it so they now have to buy TWO every time they want one? Who decided that thongs were now going to be worn under your pants and flip flops are now meant for the world to wear? Who died and made them President of the World?

I was reading a copy of O magazine last night and there was an article in it stating that the way you wear your clothes and the way you design your house says a lot about you. It stated that for the most part women dress in the same style they decorate their home. It made me think of the clothes in my closet. I have a lot of suits. They are all classic lines. Never will go out of style. I have nothing in there that is the latest craze of the day.

My casual clothes are comfortable. I don't have anything that is a "labeled" item. Then I thought of my home. Every inch of my home has pictures of my family. I have had my living room furniture (couch and chair) for about 15 years. It has withstood 5 teenagers, dogs, cat, and now 12 grandchildren) and there isn't even a tear on it. It is very comfortable to sit on and I spend a lot of my nights sleeping on there when my pain is too great to stay in bed.

So I guess Oprah was right. What you wear does reflect on how your home is decorated. The one thing that is the most important thing in my life is my family. I grew up in a home where we could not eat in the living room. You sat in ours at home you did not live in it as the name of the room suggests you should. My home is lived in. Many times I have had adults feel bad as their child upchucked on my suit or got mud on my pants or spilled something on my furniture and I always say their is nothing that can't be washed or cleaned.

So if I had to say what style I was I would have to say you would never see me on the end of a puppet master's strings. Not that anyone else should think they are because they follow fashions and fads and that they are bad or that I am judging them in any way. I would love to live in a home that looked like it belonged in a decorating magazine. But then I would have to turn into my mother and not let anyone "live" when they came into my living room. I would love to wear clothes that looked like they came off a Paris runway. But then I could not ever hold little children anymore because heaven forbid should their runny nose get on my shoulder of my pricey shirt.

I guess I will stick with my comfort laid back style if there is even a style called that. Maybe in my next life I can get excited about wearing the next latest fashion of jeans that show your underwear cause they are so low, shirts that show my belly button cause they are so short, shirts that show my bra straps cause the two don't match, everything that comes with a label, and shoes that cost as much as a week's worth of groceries.

But in the meantime I am going to sit on the living room floor and have macaroni and cheese with my grandchildren.

Playland

I went to Playland yesterday for the first time in years and had a lot of fun. The last time I went had been with our best friends and I had had so much fun! I love going there!! Especially at night time with all the noises, the people, the smells.. and ohhh those mini donuts, the candy floss, the caramel apples... yummy! And going on the rides over and over again screaming my head off and then doing it again hehehe. We both have husbands who can't do rides so it was fantastic to have a friend who loved them as much as we did!

But then my spine got to be too bad and I couldn't do the standing in lines anymore or take the rides as they put me in too much pain. I was kind of worried that I would consume all those calories yesterday. But I had a good breakfast, made a good lunch to bring with me and healthy snacks if I "wanted" to munch on something. I ended up forgetting my lunch but I was very good. I had checked all the calories online of carnival foods and when I smelt the caramel fudge I told myself that is over 1000 calories!! And it stayed away. I was very very good and only had 2 mini donuts. That is 2 little ones not 2 orders :)

I only went on a couple of rides though as I knew most of them would wreck me. But I had so much fun taking our 2 year old granddaughter on the kiddie rides while Lareta went on the rides with the older ones. Miranda fell in love with the Swing ride. It is below.



She must have gotten on that ride 20 times and would cry her heart out every time we would say no let's go on another one. I finally told the attendant that if he let her on one more time he would have to go home with her as we were leaving with or without her lol She was so cute on that ride. I was very happy that the park had benches at every other foot. I was able to sit and watch the kids on their rides instead of standing. Most were in the shade so that was a bonus. I was concerned about the grandkids asking for this and for that and wanting all the treats so before we got out of the van I told them that I was going to get them only one treat and that would be after we were all done. (Years of experience knows that high sugared foods and fast rides results in a puking contest)

Not one of them asked for something once. Not one of them had to be given a "look" or a reprimand of any kind. I was very very proud of them yesterday. Well that doesn't sound right .. I am always proud of them. But being well behaved sure made it enjoyable. 2 of the grandkids went on the log ride with me as the last ride and it was so exciting to sit behind them and hear them squealing as we climbed to the peak just before we went over the waterfall... :-D

I have to say it was one of the best outings I have ever had with my daughter and grandchildren.