Under the Influence

well well well..how do I tell this story..let me say it right up front that this really did happen to me yesterday I am not making this up even though it does really sound like something out of a Three Stooges movie.

Last night Keith and I went and worked a shift at the temple.. it was a wonderful night..got to meet up with some friends, worked with one of our best friends from the island..good evening all around. Because I finished half an hour before Keith and Ted, the guys were going to come back home with his car and I would leave with ours. While I was waiting for the car to warm up I called our daughter to say I had to stop at the grocery store on the way home and did they need anything. We had gotten a drop in the temperature since the afternoon as there was a thick sheet of hard frost on the car so I knew the roads would be slick.

Off I go down 200th till 64th avenue where I turned right. I was in the right hand lane and turned into the right hand lane. Now some yahoo was also traveling on 200th but was going northward where I had been going south. This car also turned onto 64th but turned left when I had turned right. In my world of idealism, when you turn left at an intersection you turn into the left hand lane. This driver obviously did not understand my idealism philosophy as his car never even touched the left hand lane but cut me right off as he flew in my lane. I hit the brakes to refrain from sitting in his back seat with my hood but because the road was icy I fishtailed for a bit but I got the car back under control. Thinking that driver was an accident looking for a place to happen and wishing he got 4 flat tires that night I kept on going.

I drove for about another 15 or so minutes when all of a sudden the driver in front of me started sliding around as he had been wanting to turn right at the intersection but had not slowed sufficiently for the road conditions. Because I never tailgate, I never ramrodded into him when I braked but once again I fishtailed for a short bit. Thinking that it was a good thing I am a cautious driver, I was very happy to be almost home. I get to King George and getting ready to turn onto it from the exit lane when out of the blue a police car turns its sirens and lights literally not one foot behind me!! That idiot scared the daylights out of me!! I thought it had to have been a full moon... I hurried onto the road and pulled over to let him drive past me thinking that with that much broohaha noise there had to be some emergency but he pulled in right behind me... huh??

So he comes to my window and asks me for my license and insurance. I gave him my license and while I am searching in the dark for our insurance papers in a compartment that has kids toys, baby wipes, juice boxes, and all sorts of paraphernalia, the officer asks me if I had been drinking...I very politely tell him no while I am still rummaging...He asks me again so I finally stop what I am doing and look at him telling him in no uncertain tones that I had not been drinking.

He then tells me I have to step out of the car..are you serious???but being the good girl I get out of the car finally getting my whits around me to ask him why I had been pulled over and why I had to get out of the car. He said I needed to take a breathalyzer test.... I ask why..he said because they had gotten 2 -911 calls about my driving erratically on the road..and that when he had turned his lights and sirens on I was driving erratically and had hit the curb....uhhhh..oh gee let me sneak up behind you then lay on the horn to see how well you keep your car in a straight line.. besides which I had barely touched the curb as I had already been turning ..I hit the curb way worse then that trying to park our SIL's van in their parking spot!

Once again he asks me if I had been drinking and all the while my brain is telling my inside voice to stay INSIDE my mouth and not ask him if he is old enough to even shave yet as he looks 12! But I told him now I was not drinking, I told him I do not drink and that in fact I had just left the LDS temple where I had been for the last 7 hours. He was not impressed.. whatever.. karma is wonderful tool..so I take the breathalyzer...nothing.. he looks at the screen and tells me I had to do it again...why...well apparently I did not do it properly because it never registered..uhhh goof it didn't register because I had not been drinking! But if it will satisfy him bring it on...but then I remember that I had been using Listerine breath strips and maybe that has alcohol in them and I was imagining myself explaining to my grandkids why I had to go to jail for having fresh breath...so I take a couple of really big breaths and then blew away..he kept saying keep going keep going keep going.... buddy step away from my face or you will be eating this thing...

It beeps and he looks at the screen..once again...0.00...duh..now can I go.. no...we will be impounding your car... WHAT??? Why? Well you obviously have not been drinking ( Really? I haven't been? You could have fooled me.. but thank you for telling me) so obviously your car must be mechanically unsound... no officer we JUST got the car out of the garage yesterday and paid a thousand dollars so pretty sure it is mechanically sound as it would not have been released if it wasn't. Nope can't convince him that it is safe and sound..

So now I have taken 2 breathalyzer tests, my car is about to be impounded, we only have one car so that would technically mean we are car-less, our garage is not open on the weekend, we just paid a lot of money unexpectedly for the car repair the day before and now my brain is starting to think up of how I cam going to explain this all to Keith. The tow truck arrives...can you say something stinks in this story?? I mean I have had to call tow trucks before and there is usually at least one hour wait.. how does this one just happen to show up within minutes of being called. The driver asks me where I want it towed to? I don't want it towed anywhere I want to get into it and drive it home. He apologizes and asks how I want to pay for the tow.. by this time my inside voice is really struggling to let loose but I bite down on my tongue and tell him I wasn't planning on paying for any tow as I did not call him in the first place. He asks if we have a regular mechanic and that he could tow it there and I wouldn't have to pay for it then. Seriously... do you think I was born yesterday? Of course I won't have to pay for it right then but I will see it on the mechanic's bill! I gave him the name of our garage and he goes back in his truck to see and of course why does it not surprise me when he returns to tell me that that garage is not on HIS list of approved ICBC places so he can't take it there... I don't get it.. what list... oh he explains to me that when a car gets impounded for being mechanically unsound it has to be taken to an ICBC place to get an inspection.. how much does it cost?..well it depends on what has to be done.. what do you mean it depends on what has to be done.. aren't they just doing an inspection.. well yes but if they find something wrong you HAVE to get it fixed before they release it.. seriously? and what if you don't want to get it fixed or can't afford it... well then you don't get the car back..

At that point I called my SIL... I am freezing as I have bare legs, wind is blowing and I have been outside for about 30 minutes at this point.. At one point I noticed the officer scrunched down by our back bumper so I go ask him what he is doing.. he calmly tells me taking off my plates... uhhh why? Well so you don't go get the car from where it is after I leave and drive off.. really??? ok at this point I have convinced myself that this is one of two things happening...one I really did get home, went to bed, fell asleep and dreaming this is happening or there is a hidden camera somewhere and I am being punked.

By now all of a sudden Keith appears out of the blue asking if I was ok and if I had been in an accident.. They had driven by and Keith comments to our friend on how that car looks like ours then as they drive by he realized it IS our car and I am sitting there!! Our SIL had just gotten there so I said I was all right. Keith asked me what happened then made me go warm up in our friends truck. He took care of the tow truck telling them to get it towed to our house. So now we have a car in our driveway but no license plates on it, a tow bill to our house, another tow bill on Monday to the service station, an ICBC inspection bill and who knows what repairs etc will have to be made to have our car released. All 3 weeks before Christmas.

Seriously this is all true facts. Not even someone with my imagination could come up with something this bizarre. The moral of this story: I have no idea... but am sure one of my fans could come up with one.. right now I am waiting for Keith to call the RCMP officer and have a chat... this should be good!