Computer Grammar

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Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.
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Log off - Don't add no more wood.
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Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.
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Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.
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Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
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Ram - The thing that split that firewood.
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Hard drive - Getting home in the winta.
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Prompt - What the mail ain't during the winta.
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Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.
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Screen - What to shut during black fly season.
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Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.
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Byte - What the black flies do.
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Bit - What the black flies did.
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Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.
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Chip - Munchies for TV.
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Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
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Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.
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Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.
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Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.
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Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.
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Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.
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Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.
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Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.
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Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.
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Web - What a spida makes.
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Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.
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Cursor - Someone who swears.
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Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.
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Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.
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Upgrade - Steep hill.
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Server - Waitress.
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Mail server - Male waitress, damn few in Maine.
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Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.
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User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.
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Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.
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Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.
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Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.
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Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.
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Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.
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Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.


BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
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BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.
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BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick.
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BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
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CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps.
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CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
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TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker.
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CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
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DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers.
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DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer.
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FAX - What you lie about to the IRS.
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HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
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HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
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INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
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KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
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MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
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MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers.
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MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
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MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
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NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
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ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
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ROM - Where the Pope lives.
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SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
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SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
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SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
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SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear.