Saturday, April 01, 2017

My Saving Grace

About a year and a half ago I started getting "feelings" about one of our granddaughters. Feeling that I needed to be watching her and not her day care. I couldn't understand why I was feeling like this. This went on for a couple of months and so I talked to Keith as the feelings were getting stronger and stronger. He told me to go with my gut instinct as that has always led me down the right path. So I nonchalantly asked the kids if they had been having problems with their day care but they said no she loved going there etc.

But it still weighed on me that I needed to get her out of day care and here with me so we talked to the kids and told them I would be able to watch her now and they were quite happy and last September I started watching her. Nothing ordinary happened. Then 3 months after she came into our house I was diagnosed with the cancer and then had subsequent surgeries. She has gone with me on these surgeon visits, she has been here when the public health nurse came to change the draining bags etc. She was fascinated about everything they were doing.

Tonight just before Mommy got here to pick her up I was watching her play in the back yard collecting caterpillars and putting them in her collection box and listening to her rattling about crustal us stage and cocoons and butterflies and I listened Io her babbling away in her lone little world and it hit me like a tom of bricks. I was having those feelings for real but they weren't about me saving her it was about her saving me.

The Lord knew what was coming up and he knew that I would need motivation to get out from under my quilt every morning. He knew I would need a reason to get dressed and get outside ever day. he knew that every morning come rain or shine there was a little 4 year old girl at my door.

I get it now. She has saved me on days when all I wanted to do these past 6 months is climb in bed and hide from the world; she was there when I knew she had to get out to get some fresh air and so I got dressed and went for my walks for exercise. I believed her sole purpose in life was to save me. Save me from myself and save me from my pity party.

I wrote her a letter tonight and it is tucked safe in my cedar chest for one day when she is older and will understand who she really was in my eye and how she became my saving grace.

This is Rosaleen. If I didn't know better I wouldn't think that those ties behind her were actual wings. Making her a very beautiful angel sent from my Father in Heaven to help me get back on my feet and off my butt. thanks Sweetheart Nana loves you with all her heart!