Slowing Down

For a very long time, but more so more now than ever, I am being told basically the same thing... that I need to slow down.... slow down from what? Slow down and do what? Lay around on the couch watching tv all day??? I also have had a couple of conversations from well meaning people telling me that the reason I do not have another calling at church is because I "am too busy". Really? I thought callings were given by the Lord not from local leaders. If that was the case I would not be getting the thought from the Lord that there is a different job waiting for me and that perhaps I should be asking for it (even though I do not know what it is) because it is obvious the calling will not come otherwise.

I keep busy for several reasons and I thought I would try and explain it to all of you so that perhaps you can understand where I am coming from. And why it upsets me when I hear this. Compared to the life I lived in Sask right up to the time I move here over 25 years ago, I was in the Ward AND Stake Primary Presidency (which encompassed the entire province), I worked full time as a nurse at one of our hospitals and also worked at 3 different part time jobs to put Keith through school all the while raising 5 teens. I also was a visiting teacher and trying to work my schedule along my companion and the women we visited was a feat deserving medals but I never missed. Once. So compared to that I HAVE slowed down a lot.

Another reason I do what I do with the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation is because they saved me after my bilateral mastectomies from my breast cancer. If it had not been for my familial support and the CBCF and my family I would have had a nervous breakdown. I am as sure of that as if I was standing here breathing. They were there for my first run with my family. They have been there every year since when I did my run. Two years ago I knew I could no longer do the actual run physically so started being on the executive planning committee to plan the Run for the Cure Surrey location.

Seeing the looks on the faces of the survivors, the hugs from their families thanking us for doing this event for them makes all the lack of sleep worth every minute. While I am busy helping other survivors regain their equilibrium I can forget that I still have cancer cells floating around in my body. In the middle of the night when all is quiet for me and everything that needed to be done that day is done my mind takes over and then all my fears come to the front of my brain and all of the negative aspect of cancer and my other health issues comes out of hiding to freak me out.

I REFUSE to give in to my fears. I REFUSE to ever give up. I REFUSE to ever stop trying to better myself. It is interesting that my Lord was also focused on compassionate service as he neared his mortal ministry. At one point he even took off his garment to wash the feet of his servants rather than the other way around. It was a natural thing and appropriate that his last instructions to his disciples was to love and serve one another. This was a task for the servants He a Lord but He went about this task.

In John 13:12-17 it states:
 12 So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?

 13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.

 14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.

 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

 16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him..

 17 If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.

I can't help to think that if this service task was important for the Lord to do then who on earth am I to not help others? The Lord taught that if He could spend His last precious moments teaching compassionate service to this disciples then it must be of equal importance for us to continue serving Him. 

I have a degenerative spine which 10 years ago had me in a wheelchair. I knew I had to lose weight before I was permanently paralyzed. Which I did to the tune of 150 pounds in two years. People kept telling me then as well to slow down that I did not have to walk 5K every day. But it was being fit healthily and it saved me when I was diagnosed with cancer. Had I not done all that work I would not have survived 10 surgeries in 4 years. 

So the next time you think of telling me to slow down or to not do so much please do not. The Lord and I are in tune. When the pain gets too much Keith and other Priesthood holders in my family and circle come and help Keith give me a blessing with the laying on of hands and I am instantly better. Whenever I have a huge project coming up I break down all my tasks so there is no procrastination and I am not left at the end with so much work to do. I know my limits. I know I do not sleep for more than 3 hours in any given night. I have learned to lay down a couple of times a day for 15 minute catnaps. I have learned to stop when the pain gets too strained and I am unable to handle. You just never see me like that. Ever. Very few people ever get to outside of my family. But I do know my limits.

So please believe me when I say I have my life under control and that I wished people would just let me live it. I would also wish people would stop NOT asking me to do things because they think they know whats better for me than I do. If I know I can't do it I will tell you I cannot. I promise.

Ok off my soapbox now. Just wanted to let you know what was going on with me