Last surgery ~~~ I think

So here I am a week post op with what I hope to be my last surgery. With having had 6 surgeries last year, 3 of which happened in a 5 week period, I developed a nasty bout of scar tissue that was affecting my left arm. I saw my surgeon at the end of April and she said she would have to go back in to remove it.

So last Tuesday I went under the knife.. it's bad when you have been in the same OR so many times you actually know the nurses by name and they ask you about the new granddaughters you have! I saw the surgeon yesterday and she said everything went well. She ended up taking out about a 6-7" length of scar tissue but I never thought of asking how thick it had been. She only took out about half of the stitches as part had not quite healed enough and she did not want a repeat of earlier where one end did not close letting infection set in.

I have to go back on Monday to get the rest out and that should be the end of that era. Today was a different story. As any one that reads that knows me knows I don't sleep very well or very often and my doctor sent me back to the sleep disorder clinic at UBC hospital. I had been there in 2001 where they had found I had episodes of alpha delta sleep resulting in brain activity that continued throughout the night. I went on medication for it and slept really good for several years but last couple of years it has gone back to the way it had been before I was tested. I had to fill out a questionnaire a few months ago that had me keep a detailed diary of my day and nights for a 2 week period. I am sure she must have looked at that and decided I was half crazy. But she was very polite and neglected saying it out loud :)

She went over current health history for about 20 minutes then concluded I needed to be checked in for a 2 day overnight sleep study. It basically would be come in early evening, get hooked up to all the electrodes, spend the night, be released the next morning, go back for the evening, spend the night again as well as the whole next day where they will check me for 4-5 "scheduled" naps throughout the day. It never registered for that part till I was on my way home when I thought uhhh just exactly how do you schedule a nap let alone that many? Maybe knock me over the head??But I guess they know what they are doing. But the part that I did NOT like was the fact that I have to be off ALL my medications for 4 days before the first night, stay off of them for the 2 nights I am there so basically off of them for 6 days and nights. Not a good thing.

But the good part is they had a cancellation and could fit me in 3 weeks so am ready I guess. But let me be perfectly clear... This last 2 years has been enough already health wise..it is someone else's turn!! Actually I change my mind.. I wouldn't want to wish this past health issues on anyone. But I really have had enough.. time for a new me :)

TV Land

Ok if the powers to be are listening, these are my requests for the 2009/2010 TV season:
1. No more vampire/satanic/devil worshiping shows
2. No more teenagers/high school/young adult shows
3. No more 30 minute comedy sitcoms where the wife brow beats or makes fun of her husband
4. More shows that actually make you use your mind to think
5. That if shows begin the season that they be allowed to continue the season and not take it out after the 3rd episode
6. No more reruns half way through the 2nd month.. come on at least make it till Christmas season before you start
7. No changing nights for a show once you start the season
8. Get a better rating system then what is in place already cause it sucks..there should not be swearing on a show that is rated PG13. Are you telling me a 13 year old needs to hear that kind of language?
9. No More Reality shows of celebrities or any other kind..I really don't want to watch a show about a person that hoards garbage
10. Get rid of Paid Programming late nights or at least keep it to only 1 channel. Why does there have to be so many?
11. Why is Treehouse on in the middle of the night? Why are all the young teen channels such as YTV and FAM on in the middle of the night.. they should all be in bed.
12. Somebody needs to police the MTV channel.. have you seen the videos on there? The kind where you would find in the BACK room of an adult video store. Why are they on during the day when kids are at home or early evening?
13. Bring new cooking shows on the Food Network Channel. Some of those shows are from 2004/2006
14. Finally get some better cliff hangers at the end of the season.. enough to keep you hanging all summer otherwise I move onto another channel
15. Get better movies that aren't R rated on your movie channel so the rest of the world gets to watch them as well.

I am I said

I AM... I SAID
Written by Neil Diamond

Ponteix's fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is 'lay back'
Poplar trees grow, and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin' about
Making my way back

Well I'm Ponteix born and raised
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
Surrey's fine, but it ain't home
{onteix's home, but it ain't mine no more

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of bein' a king
And then became one
Well except for the names and a few other changes
I you talk about me, the story's the same one

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried, but it won't let me go
And I'm not a girl who likes to swear
But I never cared for the sound of being alone

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

Hospital Policy made by Idiots

I just got back from visiting a dear friend in the hospital who has now been there for 5 months. She was shivering when I got there and when I went to hold her hand, it was ice cold. I noticed her extremities were quite swollen and I asked how the swelling had been. When we left it had been quite bad with skin weeping it was so thin from the swelling. She said it was getting much better although to me it was worse then when I left 2 weeks ago. I went to pull the sheets up and noticed the sheets covering her were wet and when I checked under it her gown was soaked. I asked her how long she had been wet and she said a long time. I went to get the nurse who tells me that she had been changed when they got on shift at 7ish (it now was about 1 in the afternoon). I told her she is really wet and needs to be changed.

Her reply was that she weeps quite a bit through her skin and if they changed linens all the time they got wet they would be changing them every hour! I stood there absolutely dumbfounded. I must of have had an incredulous look on my face or something cause all of a sudden she had the deer in the headlights look on her face! I said "So are you telling me you WON'T go change her till shift change 6 hours from now?" She said well if she REALLY wants to be changed we'll go change her. My mouth just kept opening and closing I was just stupefied at what she was telling me. I just very quietly said " No that's fine I will do it myself where are the linens?" She then tells me oh but if you change her then you will have to un-gown, scrub up again and re-gown as if that was going to deter me. I just looked at her and said "That's my almost sister laying in a pool of wet fluid, I will change her I wouldn't want you to be putting yourself out."

When I gathered up my things and went back in the room Keith asked me what that was all about as apparently by this time my face is all red and I have that "don't talk to me look". I repeated the conversation and my friend started to cry saying how much she had missed me taking charge while I was gone. I couldn't stay long as I could tell she was tired even though she wanted to talk so said we had to go. All the way home I kept going on and on to Keith about the idiocy of hospital politics and that they were so concerned about the bottom financial line that they had forgotten about the patients. Keith had left the room so I could change her and her skin was all red and raw from being so wet for so long. So needless to say the old fingers are going to be busy as I get a hold of Fraser Health so I can go to bat for my friend. Idiots.

Family Reunion

I apologize for not writing in here this last month or so. My whole life has been wrapped up in the family reunion I did for my dad's side of the family. Now if you know me you know I can't stand things not done the way I want it done in my head. But with my health I had to put a couple of projects on the back burner and that ate away at me. No one else knew I was working on them outside of Keith and Lareta but in my head I knew it and it was bugging the heck out of me.

We headed off a week before the reunion helping us to break the 19 hour trip into 3 sections. We spent some time with Keith's dad and his brother/sister in law in Saskatoon before we headed off to my hometown. It was a wonderful reunion!! Everyone kept talking about it and how great it was. But I pushed myself... 18 hour days for 5 days straight while I was there, on my feet the whole time.. but I didn't care.. that is what medication is for :)

Once there my brothers pitched in to help and my mom kept right by my side at 79 years of age. I was so proud of my family.. you know I never let go of my emotions.. I have such an ugly cry.. all red faced and splotchy and can't catch my breath so you get these big old gasps.. terrible.. so my cries come in the shower where no one can hear me.. but it was difficult this past weekend. I felt my grandparents around me most of the weekend especially my grandmother. I felt her hand on my shoulder several times and I know they were both pleased I had kept my word to them that I would do every thing I could do bring the family together.

Sunday night my mom, brothers, sister in laws and nieces/nephews took me aside and gave me some beautiful candles! Lareta had told me a few weeks ago that I really needed to get rid of the ones on my coffee table!! And now there they sit in honour. And tonight my oldest brother sent me a beautiful poem written in both English and French that I will treasure forever.

To me there is nothing more important then my family. Nothing. No one. And this weekend for the first time in the 20 years we have lived in BC, I have not only felt homesick (which I do all the time) but I felt like I was leaving a part of my soul behind. For the first time in all those years I have questioned my sanity in moving here. It was a completely different life there, main street consists of 2 blocks, I could walk the whole town in 30 minutes, the kids just would take off to play and there was nothing to worry about. I truly felt like I was missing a big part of my life not being there.

But then my children would not have met their spouses nor had the children that they have gotten. I would not know the joy I have felt. I love my life here, but I love my family there.. this past 2 weeks has put the question in my heart.... which do I love more.

Here are some pictures. The first is of my grandparents with their first child, followed by a picture of all 13 of their children ( a 14th child died shortly after birth). The next picture is of my mom, my brothers, their wives, all our children and grandchildren for some of us. The last one is of my family.

Letter to TLC

This is a copy of a letter I sent to TLC today..

Hello
I just wanted to say how upset I am that TLC has decided to continue airing new episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8. It used to be one of my favourite programs. Once it became apparent that there were marital problems, TLC and it's affiliates should have made an executive decision of not re-instating any new episodes. It is bad enough that children have to go through any separation/divorce it's even worse that they have to go through it through the television media. With all the publicity this separation has generated over the last few months people that are "thrill-seekers" are going to tune in just in case they get to see some fur fly so to speak. Even viewers that never watched the show previous to all of this are now going to tune in much like drivers slow down to see a car accident.

It would have been more advantageous if TLC had decided on a moral standpoint to not air any more episodes until things cleared with the Gosselins. I won't be watching any more episodes and I may be just one viewer but I am a viewer with a voice.

Richmond Country Farms Market

These last few months Keith and I have become tourists in our communities. Because I can't predict how I am going to feel on any given day we have to kind of plan around that. So on Fridays I check out this cool site that tells us what is going on in the Lower Mainland for the next day.I usually find 2 or 3 choices so even if I can't walk much the next day we can still get out to do stuff. We have been everywhere to our delights. Most of the time it has been free (you have to like that kind of budgeting} or near free. It has been kind of cool to check out what tourists come out here to see.

Today we were supposed to have a granddaughter's 15Th birthday party in the afternoon so we didn't want to go top far off. By the time we found out the party time was changed it was too late to go out so we decided to go check out a farm market that I had been to when we lived in Vancouver. It is called the Richmond Country Farms Market and it is simply amazing.

They have rows and rows of produce bins. They have bright signs letting you know what items they grow right on the farm, what is brought in and where from, and what is organic. The prices are very fair and for the most part was cheaper then our local markets. You bite into an apple and think oh yeah this is what an apple is suppose to taste like.

There also was a very large selection of fresh herbs that went far more then the typical basil and thyme. Organic eggs were also free range eggs and was almost two dollars less then what I have been paying elsewhere.

Outside you have a nursery with annuals, perennials, trees, bushes and beautiful arrangements. They have ponds with walking bridges over them (that I had never noticed when I had been there before} as well as a large gazebo. I could so see myself having family pictures taken there. What a gorgeous setting~~

You could tell that this is a very popular hangout as it was packed. Not just packed but filled with return customers judging by the chatter among people. My favourite part today??? Berries Berries Berries!! There was blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, blackberries..YUMMO!!! I wonder if your skin will turn blue from eating too many blueberries??

So if you are anywhere near the George Massey Tunnel going westbound, just take the first right after the tunnel and it is right there you can't miss the signs..

http://www.countrymeadowsgolfcourse.supersites.ca/market/

I give it a 10 out of 10 for an enjoyable date!

Football Season

So we just got back from the season opening game of football between BC Lions and Hamilton Tiger Cats. After 6 months of watching a tiny black puck skating around white ice it took awhile to get adjusted to a flying brown oval object. Seriously you would think they would make things florescent yellow so that I could keep track of it!! But as I watched the game I came across a set of "facts".

1. Do not wear a pink t-shirt to an orange and black event. You get weird looks although Keith never had trouble finding me when I got sidetracked from him.

2. It is a lot harder to watch a football from inside a stadium then it is from your tv. On TV the camera stays focused on it and you have a bazillion replays so if you by some chance missed it you don't actually miss it. It real time you miss it you lost it.

3. at a real game, you can't actually go for a quick potty break in between plays. Going to the bathroom means a long climb up, a long line up once you get there and a whole lot of knees to climb over in both directions to get out of your seat unless you got end seats but then you end up having to stand up a bazillion times so other people can get up.

4. Have a drink of water BEFORE you get there cause a small bottle costs 4.00 each. And you can not walk in anymore with your own water bottle. ALL purses and backpacks etc are checked before you even get in the door.

5. My house neighbors appreciate it more when I go to a stadium to watch any sport rather then in the comfort of my living room as they don't have to hear me screaming whether it be due to happiness of scoring or to the refs for a bad call.

6. My voice is hoarse after any sports game regardless if I watch a game on tv or live in a stadium

7. When you have long legs and you jump up unexpectedly, be prepared to apologize to the person in the seat in front of you for all the times you ram your knees in their head when you jump up without properly standing first.

8. Keith never gets embarrassed to be seen (or heard) in public with me :)

9. Last but definitely not least and it bears repeating over and over again. Alcohol has NO PLACE at a game!!! Alcohol and fans DO NOT mix. It makes them do stupid things, act in a stupid fashion, say stupid things, and be an all around jerk.

But it was a wonderful birthday present !! Thanks Keith :)

Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus

I think as adults we tend to forget what goes on in the mind of a child. We tend to forget that they take what we say at face value and don't understand sarcasm, wit, innuendos ets. One of the things we will be doing at our family reunion this month is the females will be singing Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors in tribute to our grandmother, great and great great grandmother. She was a farm wife who raised 13 children with virtually nothing and worked very hard from dawn to dusk. So for the last month or so my little Rosaleen has been singing this song with me as I practice it. She knows the song better then I do!! Well today I was working on the dvd to put the music on it so we have music to sing with and I showed her a video of Dolly singing it. She knows things on the computer and tv/movies etc are just make believe. But she sees Dolly and here is the ensuing conversation:

R: Nana you didn't tell me Miley was going to the reunion
Me: Miley? Miley who?
R: Nana!! You know Miley!!
M: uh no who's Miley
R: Miley Cyrus!!
M: Oh that Miley..no Rosaleen Miley is not going to the reunion..why do you think she is coming to the reunion
R: Cause that is her godmother
M: Who is Miley's godmother?
R: Her!! On your computer! She is the one singing the song (Dolly Parton)
M: Rosaleen I am pretty sure that isn't Miley's godmother.
R:Yes she is

And so a few minutes is spent explaining television and fantasy again and she ends by saying
R: Nana I know Hannah Montana is not a real person but Miley is a real person and she sings in real life and that person (Dolly) sings in real life cause I know you listen to her songs so she is real so that means she really is Miley's godmother and that she is going to sing the song with all the ladies at the reunion.

Huh... why didn't I think of getting Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus an invitation to the reunion and singing it for us??

Last Week This Week what week is it??

I was talking to a friend the other day and she commented on how we were at the end of June. She wondered where it had gone to. I said are you kidding? I am still looking for LAST year's June. It has been more then the usual insane pace. I had staff training to get done, put a class together on Scottish Research, tried to get all my month end reports done at work as well as get things done to close the doors for July.

One of our granddaughters finished school and will be starting high school in Sept (3 grandkids in high school now eeeek) so we had her grad as well last week which mean the hunt for the perfect outfit for her!! Still waiting to see the grad pictures so I can post it.

Add to that our oldest son is getting married on the 4th so have been working on the bridal bouquets, corsages, centerpieces, boutonnieres etc. Then the 2 little Princesses here decided Auntie Jen NEEDED flower girls and I did honestly tell them that no she wasn't having flower girls. The 5 year old said "Nana, she is a girl, this is a wedding, and you always have flower girls, it's in the wedding rule book!| HUH? Ok that girl just hangs around me way too much. So Auntie Jen said if it meant so much for the girls to be a part of the wedding party it was fine with her. So when I told them what she said "I already told you that"...oh puhlease.

So that was last week, this week is our annual Canada Day Celebrations. Tomorrow I will pull out my boxes of red and white supplies and see what I have for prizes and decorations etc and then head out to get what is missing. Tuesday is baking day and food preparations. I am still thinking of what I am going to make that is red and white in keeping with the theme. Then that morning will be spent getting all the games ready, tables, volleyball net up, BBQ area etc..We are expecting about 40-50 people.

Thursday will be working on the bridal dress as my dear daughter in law has lost weight and it literally hangs on her so will take it in. Figured I would wait till after the dinner and fatten her up there first hehehe. Friday decorate the church.. do final touches on the centerpieces, gather up all the things that need to get to the church. Saturday, is wedding day, so pick up cake, food, get to the church on time and then a great afternoon meeting Jen's family and celebrating.

Next week will be shifting gears and rounding up all the reunion things; finish the video presentation, the huge scrapbook, the 15 generation pedigree wall chart, the garden stepping stone to complete, the family farm picture and grandparents portraits in the antique frame for the silent auction. Figure out what I can ship early and what I will have to bring with me. All the registration packages, the childrens' activities and paraphernalia, the sports equipment and of course my printer and enough paper. Finalize the menu and make up a grocery list for when I get there, Finish calling local businesses and ask for donations for prizes.

So it was an off and running June and a marathon July but I get to go home soon and see my entire family and it will all be worth it in the end.

Somewhere in there I need to get my flight booked and car reservation made. Now you know what I am more interested in looking for LAST June's then this one.. cause then I would have an extra year.

Long Lost Relatives

Everyone that knows me knows I have been doing genealogy from a very early age.. most of my memories of growing up involved my asking my grandparents about their lives, their parents, siblings where they came from etc etc. Yesterday at work I had a breakthrough on my dad's mother's paternal line!!! I had been searching for her grandparents for many years. I would search high and low but could never get past the names. As I had been going by my grandmother's handwritten notes, I took them as gospel law and whenever I would come across a name that was similar I would reject it thinking my grandmother must have known how to spell her grandparents names. After all I knew my grandparents names, birth dates, birth places etc.

Her last name which she had given me for her grandfather was Casimir Gibeault. But what I found was Gibeau minus the "lt". I was able to find his birth information, his marriage information, his death information and 2 more generations past him. I was ecstatic to say the least!!! When the person that came on shift to replace me at work last night, I was telling her all about it and told her I didn't have time to put any of my things away as I had a meeting to get to but would be back in a couple of hours. I came back to find she had never moved from where she had been 2 hours before and that she had found some siblings of Casimir and more dates!!!

When I found Casimir in the original census as a 10 year old boy with the last name misspelled I checked the enumerator's name and it wasn't a French name. And if Casimir could not read or write then the enumerator would have just written it as it sounded. At least now I can get the actual certificates to back up my finds and move on from there. Just 6 weeks before our big reunion, this was a big find to be able to place those names on my 15 generation pedigree chart that I am bringing with me. That line was looking pretty bleak compared to the rest of the lines.

It was a good day yesterday!!

Long legs vs short leg

Princess Rosaleen and I are out walking yesterday for our regular walks. I find by the time we are on the return trip the arm that she is attached to my hand is really strained from her walking so slow. She stops dead in her tracks and pulling on my hand says:
"Nana do you know how long your legs are?
Yes I do Rosaleen I have had these legs for a very long year
Well Nana do you know how short my little legs are?
Yes I do Sweetheart
Well then Nana you should know that you can walk FASTER then me with your LONG legs and I can only walk as far as my little legs can go.

I'm sorry sweetheart I will try and be better.

yadda yadda yadda
Nana were you not listening about our talk before about legs?
yes and I listened to you and slowed my walking down
No Nana you might be slowing your walking down to walk with Papa but you are going to have your geass in reverse for every 3rd foot so I can keep up.

I was not sure what that exactly entails but said yes I would try and better. I told her though if I went any slower I would be tripping over my feet cause I would now be going backwards.

Green Earth Organics

For the last 9 months or so we have been using this company for a lot of our organic grocery shopping. After I had been diagnosed with cancer I was more conscious of eating even healthier then I already was. I like having my food delivered to my door every week or so.

This month they are celebrating their 11th birthday so Happy Birthday Green Earth!!! Thanks for making my corner of the world a little greener!!

https://vancouver.greenearthorganics.com/about/

All types of Prayer needed today

Hello Everyone...no funny conversations today between my grandchildren and I, no household mishaps, no falling over trying to get into bed at night, no being up all night long... all this is ...is a request for prayer no matter who you pray to, who you worship, i ask each of you that today (Saturday June 13Th) you find it in your heart to pray for the family of one of my uncles.

It has made 2 very long years that my cousin Darrell Cloutier went missing from his home in Nassau Bahamas. He was there to work on a project at a huge resort PCL was building. He had 2 weeks left and had actually met with the man who was going to replace him. Two little weeks before he was coming back home to his family. But the next day all they found was his home open, groceries on the floor and in his car, but no sign of him anywhere.

A few days later a woman was picked up using his credit and debit cards to extract cash from ATM's. But 2 long years later they are no closer to finding my cousin. As a parent I can't even begin to imagine what my uncle and the rest of his family are going through right now. As a human we always have hope even if it is a little tiny bit hidden deep into your heart. When someone dies no matter the age or if it was a tragic death you are sad, you can grieve, you can have closure. But when there is no body, no tell tale signs that someone is even there, how do you find closure with that?

It's going to be a very very long day and again I beg each of you that read this, to say a prayer for Darrell, for his father Raymond, for his brother Stefan, his sister in law Jaime and their children. There is a hole in the world tonight.

Please watch this video when you get the chance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdvOTR2-at0

I am part of a very large extended family and I know they will be surrounded by family this weekend. But they need to be surrounded by a lot more to be able to get through this. Please help. Prayer is a powerful tool.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Maple Syrup

Hello from the province of Quebec.. and no I am not there as much as I would love to be :) But my taste buds sure are. Keith and I and one of our grandsons went on a hiking trek this past weekend up on Capillano Mountain. It was a wonderful experience. On the way home we stopped at a farmers market in North Vancouver. There was an organic farmer there so I stocked up on some much needed stuff. One of the things they also had was Maple Butter. Now I have maple syrup many MANY times but never maple butter. They said to use it on crackers or toast but to use it sparingly. At the cost of it I knew it would be VERY sparingly. Well I had some on some toast when I got home and awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww it was to die for!! OK you wouldn't want anyone to die let alone for maple butter but oh man it was sooo incredibly good. I had one more cracker tonight for a bed time snack and I keep thinking oh I could have half a dozen crackers without batting an eye. But after eating one, the gag reflex kicks in and I stop. That and the fact that one should be wary of eating anything that does not come with a nutritional panel on the container. You just know that has more calories then one could ever wear off unless you had a trainer named Bob or Jillian!!

And Quebec is not in my 100 mile challenge but I have family still living in Quebec and it's within their 100 miles so in my french brain that works. Well at least that is my story and I am sticking to it... yummm~~~

It made me think of this dessert my mom and grandmothers used to make. I am sure some of my cousins reading this will have a smile on their faces :) It was called Sucre a Creme. Sorry I don't know how to do french accents on here. Basically it was brown sugar, thick real cream and butter.. yup really good thing on a high cholesterol diet... but we never had to worry about that in those days. So they would bring this to s boil till only they knew when and then we would have it as pudding... oh oh oh.. my mouth is salivating just thinking about it.

My paternal grandmother when she knew I was coming down for a long weekend she would always make a jelly roll cake using the Sucre a creme as a filling. I would pester her with questions about her family history and we would sit around her table eating this cake and having tea in fancy tea set. Great Memere and granddaughter bonding moment! I will never forget those moments.

Family Relationships

Last night was the 6th week out of 9 weeks of a Family Relationship class that Keith and I have been attending. Originally we took it because we thought our children would take it and this way we could learn to communicate with our children and grandchildren better. Unfortunately for their own reasons they chose to not attend and we ended up still taking it. I had signed us up for it so followed through my commitment.

Yesterday's class was on Dealing With Anger; what to do when your children make you angry; what to do instead of saying "you make me so mad!" We talked about the 4 stages of anger. I knew about the 5 stages of grief but I didn't know there were stages of anger. I learned that there was such a thing as Internalizing Anger and as I was listening to that I thought hey she is talking about me. I would have never said I was an angry person. People are always commenting on how stable a person I am, how I never over react, I never let life get me down even under circumstances like my cancer etc but as she was talking about examples I had a HUH moment and realized a lot of what was going on in me. It was a very profound wake up call.

It was like when I had been taking the weight loss program with Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Solution. He tells you that it is in your head and if you don't fix your head of why you eat what you eat when and where you eat it, you will continue to do the same thing the next time you are in the same situation. Going through his book I would have never said I was an emotional eater. To me someone that did that would eat every time they were sad or angry or upset etc. As I never really get those stages I had always said I wasn't an emotional eater. But as I learned more I realized I was. I related everything to food. Every family gathering had to revolve around the food. Our children could not come over without my having food for them. Every thing revolved around food. You could not come and visit with me for the afternoon without there being food involved. I did realize I was an emotional Eater. I realized that when I was surrounded with family/friends that made me very happy and if I was happy then out came the food. Does that make sense?

Once I realized that I fixed my head for the most part, lost the 150 pounds 4 odd years ago and have kept it off all those years. And now we come to Internalizing Anger. I realized that a lot of times I do get angry but it remains bottled up inside. It causes me health problems, it causes me so many problems but I let it just simmer inside for very long periods of time and usually at a wrong possible moment it explodes out at usually a very innocent thing. As I mentioned it was a "huh" moment. We were sent home with homework that you watch yourself for signs of the different kinds of anger, how you react or respond to it and what the outcomes were.

Although I work on Thursdays, go to the class right after work, it makes for a very long day. But I learned a lot more with this class. Wish with all my heart it had been around when our children were very young. But I can not change the past but I can certainly use my new skills with my grandchildren to make their lives and their relationships with us better.

Only at my house

Seriously someone better tell me these kind of things happen in their household even if you have to stretch the truth.. I would hate to think that these moments only happen to me :(

Today I have staff training to do at work and we are starting the evening off with a BBQ. I was bringing ribs so were browning the racks in the oven early this morning before putting them in the slow cookers. As I would take a batch off the grill I would cut them in smaller pieces then pop them in the cooker and get the pan ready for the next batch. I had JUST put the last of the pieces in the cooker and was very carefully taking the very hot bottom part of the pan from the stove to the sink as it was filled to the top with meat juices and marinade that the meat had been in. Just as I was twisting to turn this very loud bang came from 10 or so feet in front of me scaring the heck out of me enough to make me jump and drop this hot pan all over the kitchen floor. When I looked over to the front entrance way to see what the heck that noise was I could see this gallon and a half size jug squirting thick orange syrup all over the place.

We have a storage room that has our food staples and freezer in but in our front entrance way in the closet, half of the space has food shelves that I keep my every day staples in as well as baking pans etc. I'm not like most people that keep all their baking pans and stuff in bottom cupboards as most of the time I can't bend to get in them so all my every day things are on these shelves. Well on the very top one is where I store my bins of potatoes, onions, different flours etc. Right beside them for months now has been this huge jug of orange syrup that is very thick and concentrated that you use to make orange drink when you need large batches of drinks. Keith had gotten it for some activity he had been in charge of and he hadn't needed the 2ND jug so it has just been sitting there since last summer.

Do not ask me why all of a sudden it took a flying leap and hit the floor with enough force to pop the sealed lid off shooting it across the entrance and past me through the whole kitchen and end up in the dining room. It also had popped the silver foil cap that had been under the lid. You know the kind that you can never get off when you are opening a new bottle of something?? If that wasn't enough I noticed that the syrup was rapidly spreading all over the floor onto the floor mat there, into the shoes that never seem to get onto the shoe rack and also onto the hall carpet. I picked it up thinking it was only leaking from the lid but of course not. This is my life we are talking about, it would never be that easy. The side of it had completely split open and when I lifted it up even more syrup came gushing out.

I grabbed the garbage can from under the sink slipping on the hot liquid that still was all over the kitchen floor from the meat pan, and threw it in then grabbed some towels from the dryer that I had just finished washing I might add and started to wipe it up before it got more of the hall carpet. It was only then that I saw the walls in the entrance way. Have you seen that TV commercial where the little girl is talking on the phone with her dad and she is describing to him this mountain that had erupted with the experiment she had made with her mom and how it went all over including the ceiling? Yup that was me. Only my mother was not with me to clean it up nor was I smiling. It actually sprayed on the ceiling which is stippled I might add. All the shelves had syrup on it, all the food items, all the walls in the entrance way, the front door, all the bottom cupboard doors, the fridge, oven and dishwasher was covered, there was even spray onto the dining room carpet which is easily 20 feet away. Now this isn't liquid that is thin like water where you would understand it leaking every where. It is thick syrup like molasses!!

Now with my back there is one motion I can not do. I should not do. When I do it I suffer for a long time after. And that is a twisting motion. The kind of motion you do when you wash walls, windows, floors, vacuum etc. But yet there I was washing every thing down. I had 2 little girls watching this mess wanting to help and I kept saying noooo you guys go play outside. One of them says "Nana do we have to keep this a secret from Papa?"

I washed the kitchen and hall floor THREE times with soapy water and after the 3rd time I grabbed the girls, locked the door and went to my daughter's house. She came back with me after I had run errands so I could drop my things off first so I didn't have to carry them from her house and as she was walking on the floor her flip flops were making this sucking noise and she said oh mom this floor is really sticky then she said mom I am not laughing at you I am laughing with you. Uh huh... sure you are!!

But I can not wash it anymore I have to wait till Keith gets home to give it another really good scrub. I keep telling myself to go around the kitchen (which is a pass through to the rest of the house) instead of going through it but 2 minutes later I go walking across the floor to get something or go through and my feet stick and I think of Homer Simpson which I cannot stand but now know the reason why he invented the word DOH!!! It is about as safe a word as I can muster at this moment.

Only at my house does this happen.

Creation and 5 year olds

So today I am walking to my daughter's with my 5 year old granddaughter. You know how you tend to tune out young children when they are rattling on and on about nothing in particular or at least nothing of interest to you then all of a sudden your brain registers something and you pay attention? Hence the following conversation:

Rosaleen: yadda yadda yadda
Me: uh huh, yes, uh huh

Of course in my defense at the time this conversation was going on we were on a very busy street and she has such a soft voice it was hard to hear. But in reality I was thinking of a garden stepping stone I had in mind to do.

Rosaleen: (tugging my hand) Nana you're not listening!
Me: Yes I was
R:No you weren't cause I asked you a question and you said yes but it wasn't a yes or no question..

uh.. what 5 year old knows what a yes or no question is?

Me: Ok ask me again
R: Do you know why God created Earth?
Me: Of course, we've talked about this.. He created Earth so we could come to earth to gain a body so we could return home to Him when we die
R: I know THAT Nana but do you know really why He created it?
Me: uhhh how about you tell me why you think He created earth
R: Because he was sad all the astronauts kept crashing into each other and into other planets cause He hadn't created light on the 2nd day yet. They kept crashing on the 1st day.
M: where did you get that information Rosaleen?
R: Nana everybody knows this..didn't you pay attention to your class in church before?
M:.. I guess I didn't.. maybe I was home that day
R: See Nana you should stop talking to Papa at church so you could hear what they are saying

uhhh Nana is usually stopping Papa from giving you guys wet willies or poking you!!! Am I the only one that missed that Sunday School lesson???

Using my 5 senses

Today I am up very early..way too early especially because Keith is still in bed and I am up but it is also a holiday so should be back in there. But my body is telling me I can't lay on my sides or back anymore and to get up up UP before it starts screaming so here I am. It is spring over here so my allergies are back in full swing. I can not wait till the next life when our bodies will be perfected.. I live for that day!!!

But as I sit here with my face covered with a heat mask it reminded me of things I miss smelling. Which of course made me think of things I miss hearing and then seeing then tasting.. hey what can I say... My brain works like my mothers and my daughters.. we can go from no thoughts in our head to a marathon of thoughts in 2 seconds flat.

So here are some of the things that I miss using my 5 senses:

The smell of Johnson's Paste Floor wax. I wonder if they even make them anymore. I loved that smell. I would wash then wax my floors just before the kids would come home from school and they would be so excited when they walked in the door, as they would smell the wax and know they got to put on Dad's big socks and slide all over the floors while they got polished. I miss hearing that sound of laughter.

I miss the sound of sheets hanging on a clothesline where there was a little breeze and you would hear them snapping. I miss the scent of clothes coming in from outside. I miss climbing into bed that first night with clean sheets off the line and just smelling the sheets.

I miss our house on Hyland Road with all the fruit trees there. I could just go outside and grab an apple or a pear and bite into it tasting that crispness and taste of them. I miss getting a basket of fruit from the trees and bringing them in the house to make a pie with them, or can them for the winter months. I miss hearing my children saying "there's nothing to see" and my telling them to go outside and find something to eat.

I miss Sunday dinners with the Hunters and the Bells. I miss my excitement knowing they were coming over every week and planning what I was going to serve trying to make something new each time and just being together.

I miss Northgate Bakery in Sask. We had a "deal" with the bakery who's claim to fame was that they only sold baked fresh that day items. We had gotten the scoop from our friends that you could go to the back of the bakery at 5pm and you could get everything left over for 40 dollars. The deal was 40 dollars flat. At times you got 2 grocery bags full other times we could not stuff the back of our vehicles there was so much stuff. But it was always 40 dollars. You got every kind of breads, rolls, muffins, danishes etc etc. The children would love Thursday nights as that was when it was available. That seems so long ago

I miss living close enough to see my family whenever I wanted to. Now I am down to once a year as I save my money hard to be able to make the trip back to see everyone. Even after 20 years I still get so homesick for my mom and my brothers and their families.

I miss Mondays at my mom's growing up. We knew that Mondays were laundry days but it also was bread baking day which meant for lunch we were getting "Petit Pains". The bread dough would always be hitting the first rise and as mom would knead the dough she would take pieces of dough roll them into a log then fry them in hot oil for a couple of minutes. We always raced home that day cause we knew what was coming. We could always smell laundry soap in our yards as the laundry was always on the line and we could smell the bread dough cooking. We would open these petit pains up and put butter and something in them. It could he jam or honey or peanut butter or real maple syrup in Quebec but eat them we did.

I miss getting that syrup from Quebec. Dad's family every year would ship us some maple syrup when they were tapping their trees and the day it came to the house we knew what we would get to eat. Dad would heat some of it up and then poach eggs in it. Ohhhh man you have never tasted TASTE till you tasted that. It was sooooo goood.

I miss the sounds of branding season on the farm. The sounds of the calves being branded, the sounds of my dad, uncles and grandfather talking and "yelling" to us kids to get certain calves or to get out of the way. I miss the sounds of my mom, aunts, and grandmother as they would talk while setting up the long tables that would hold massive amounts of food soon. I miss the smell of the hay up in the hayloft as we jumped from the loft down into the stacks on the ground, then waiting for the tell tale voice of our mothers yelling at us to not make a mess and to stay away from the bulls in their pens which always seemed to come just as we would be poking the bulls.

I miss the taste of my mom's head cheese. That would be part of our Christmas morning breakfast. She would slice them and I would put it in toast and then mustard and just keep eating till I was stuffed. One year I didn't eat any cause that was the year I mistakenly got up in the middle of the night for some reason and went to get my mom who was just taking a pig's actual head out of the oven. She had to explain to me why it was in there. That year I could not eat it as I knew where it came from but the next year I was so over it and dived into it.

I miss the sight of our community garden on the farm. All of the uncles and aunts, our parents and grandparents would have this huge garden area (well at least to me it was huge) and in the spring everyone would be there planting. Every summer we would always be there weeding and every fall we would all be there harvesting the crops. Our house would be crammed with dozens of cobs of corn or baskets and baskets of peas we had to shell into bowls and of course into our mouths, mounds of green beans to cut into pieces. Every body worked together and always talking while we worked alongside our grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings of course.

Well I think that is enough remembering for one early morning. Some days I wish I was back there doing all those things again. But I guess we all have to grow up some day and become responsible adults and make new memories for our children and grandchildren. But still, those sure were the good old days.

Grandmothers

I was doing some pictures tonight putting them in folders and some of them had my grandmothers in them. Today is Tuesday and at my house that means sleepover night with 2 of my granddaughters. We play house, we bake, we do crafts, paint, build things, go swimming..just lots of stuff. I remembered my grandmothers and the relationship I had with them.

Both of them were obviously french and my paternal grandmother or Memere as we called them both, refused to speak English. If someone called her on the phone that spoke English she would just say "call Roland (my dad)". She was all of 4 foot 11 if that but that never stopped her from raising 13 children. I remember one Christmas family dinner at the farm house, she took a chair and took it to the counter in the kitchen, climbed on it then stood on the counter top to get a platter that was on the top shelf. My dad saw her and grabbed her by the waist to get her off telling her with all the men there (who are pretty much all over 6 feet) she only had to ask someone to get it for her but she just whacked him on the head with the platter and said she might be short but this was still her kitchen and to put her down. :) She was a firecracker.

My maternal grandmother had a date with my sister Adele and I one year every Wednesday at 2:15. For some reason that year we both had a spare at school for our last class and instead of being in the library we played hooky and would go to our grandparents. It was a ritual. She would have laid out the table with the good china, would have baked something just coming out of the oven and my grandfather would make this pot of tea seem like an event!! He would pour us the tea like a grand master at the finest 5 star restaurant. We had linen napkins and fancy dishes, little spoons to stir our sugar in and tiny forks to eat the dessert. We talked about school, our parents, boys, listened to them giving us advice. We always felt like it was our little secret that they kept from our parents although I am sure Mom knew but to this day I never asked.

Every summer the 4 oldest in my family would go to our grandparents for an entire week. My sister and I would go to one farm, and my 2 brothers would go to the other farm. then on Sunday we would come into town for church and switch farms for another week. It was relaxing, no fighting, didn't have to share the house with a bunch of siblings although when we went to our paternal grandparents, because there was such an age difference between my dad and the younger ones, there were still some living on the farm. but they loved it as they usually were able to pretend "THEIR" chores were TOO old for us KIDS to be able to do and of course we would say no they aren't and go do them as they would think ahhh reverse psychology lol. Of course it only worked till Memere found out :)

Little did I know those years with my grandmothers would make such an impact on my life, the way I spend time with my grandchildren or try too. Today I am 52 and have a lot of grandchildren and I hope that when they grow up to have grandchildren of their own, they will have great memories and be able to pass down the traditions of sleep overs and tea time with their best china.

I miss my grandmothers very much and I truly hope that this reunion I am planning for my paternal grandparents this summer will be a tribute to her to thank her for making me the person I am today.