Back from Saskatchewan

I am back home safe and sound from the big freeze of the prairies. I don't know if I will ever warm up. My flight was late leaving Regina last night by 2 hours and narrowly able to catch my connecting flight home. But even that was only by the good graces of the pilot who said he would hold the plane. I wonder why it is if a connecting flight is going to be late why on earth pilots don't park right next to
the plane that passengers are going to be getting on. Why on earth part on opposite ends of terminals?

But I am home safe and sound. I did have the same experience at the security clearance at both legs of my trip. I had to be taken aside with my carry on purse to get permission to go through it. They said "something was pinging" but because it was so packed they couldn't get a clear reading of what it was. DUH! I am a female who
needs that much stuff on a 2 1/2 hour flight!! Who knows what I might want to do. Heaven forbid I just have one pocket book to read. I told them fine they could empty it but they had to put everything back exactly the way it had been but of course they didn't. This time coming home they actually swabbed my purse inside and out to check for who knows what.

I got off the plane at 1am in Regina when I first got there and when I got outside the insides of my nostrils stuck together making me have to breathe through my mouth. I told the cab driver that it was very cold out here but he chuckled and informed me they were having a tropical heat wave as it was only -16 without the wind chill factor which was warm compared to the -50 of previous weeks. Remind me again why I am over here??

But I got a couple of hours sleep at the hotel then my youngest brother picked me up in the early hours to take me to the bus depot to continue to my last part. Outside was completely white with hoar frost. I had forgotten what that looked like!It's like walking through clouds. Driving for 4 hours like that was hair raising to say the least. But I finally got to my mom's. She was very happy to see me! We had another hour's drive to get to her place and I knew I did not want to sit for anytime soon.

The temperature kept dropping and winter storms hit. My oldest brother and his family were supposed to come down the following day to visit with me and I thought for sure they would not be able to as the RCMP kept saying everyone stay off the highways but nope not my family :-D. They showed up at one of my other brothers en masse with enough pot luck food to feed a small army! Wait.. we were a small army hehehe.

We had a good visit although way too short. I had spent the better part of the morning and afternoon in ER the second day I got there from an incision that had started bleeding and I was exhausted so we finally went home. I had written my family members in my home town letting them know I was coming and really needed their help in gathering up photos so I could scan them for my book I was writing. My oldest brother had brought one of his scanners for me to use but for some reason it was not compatible with my laptop so on one of my every other day trips back into the city for dressing changes, I picked up a scanner. We spent part of one day with 2 of my dad's brothers and their wives as well as one of my cousins as we poured through boxes of pictures. It was way more then I could have even began to have expected to get. Of course there was a lot of "no that's not so and so it's him/her". I furiously wrote on the backs of as many pics as I could. The next day one of my aunts showed up at mom's with another box full plus a huge package of pics she had copied for me to keep. I was moved beyond words. All together I scanned nearly 400 pictures of my ancestors. There were many many more but no one knew who the people were so I just left those.

Last 3 days I have been going through the photos through the middle of the night labeling them into some sort of order but I have so much more to go through. I had the wonderful experience of meeting with 2 of my cousins that I had not seen since high school and I loved every second of every day. It reminded me how different small town life is. Your family is your priority. You drop everything for your family. I wanted to get something for the 2 that had helped me tremendously there that week so mom and I went to the florist shop. Now in my home town all businesses close for lunch from noon till 1pm. It was almost 1 when we got to the florist but the open sign was there so in we go. After awhile of not being greeted we did our "hellllooo anyone here" kind of thing and nothing. We were there just browsing when I finally found what I wanted. it was almost 1:30 by this time. I was about to just leave the items on the counter with a note saying who I was and that I would be back as I had other errands to run when in walks the owner. Her comment was "oops I guess I forgot to lock the front door again". Small town life. A different way of living.

It was very cold for most of the time I was there. I had bought new boots just for my trip and it was nice to go for walks and here this crunch crunch under my feet. The last weekend home my youngest 2 brothers and their families came to mom's for one last visit. One of them had driven almost 4 hours one way to pick me up to take me back to Regina for my flight back. My brothers didn't care there were travel advisory out. I was there. They were coming to see me. End of story. I have the most beautiful and amazing sister in laws that every woman on earth should have even just one like them. Hugs after hugs after hugs. I got to sit on the floors and watch Happy Feet with my nephews many times over. I got to play catch with Miss Ella and dance with Nicholas. I got to listen to Aidan read me bedtime stories. I got to hug a little Zacharie to pieces to hide my tears when he asked me if I was "still broken".

Everyone kept taking me aside asking how Mom had taken the news, how she was, how I was. We were a houseful for breakfast Sunday morning when I left to come home. It
hadn't occurred to me to really check the calendar when I booked my flight. I was leaving my mom worrying about me on the day that my only sister had died of cancer. Great planning Sally.I am a big journal writer and have been for many many decades. I had found one that had the word INSPIRE on the cover. I got that for mom and left it on her bed just before I left. I wrote inside telling her that she was the strongest woman I knew and that she was my inspiration for my strength. I hope her new journal will give her strength as she goes through this next phase in our lives.

I thought I was fine this whole trip.. till I came down the escalator and saw Keith standing there with this huge bouquet of flowers in his arms. I dropped both of my cases regardless of those behind me and ran into his arms. I knew I was home; that I was safe, that I no longer had to be the strong "I am perfectly fine" type; I knew my knight was there to look after me and look after me he did. As we drove home I told him of my trip. I told him how proud I was of my family, of my brothers and their families. I told him that although we grew up very dysfunctional we were still our best family. That thought will give me great comfort over the next few months as I go through these next trials.

I know I have eluded to things happening lately on my blog but I could not say anything before I had spoken to my mother. I was too worried she would get the news from someone else. I was diagnosed with breast cancer just before Christmas. My brothers and my children knew. They knew the surgery I had to have and the results. But for mom, I knew I had to tell her this face to face. I wished I had planned the date a little better so I was not leaving the day my sister died of cancer.

I have learned that one can face anything as long as they have faith, faith in themselves, faith in prayer, faith in God, hope and most of all as long as they have family around that love them. That I do have. There was no doubt in my mind over the last 9 days that I have the best family. How can I possibly not survive this?



These pictures are of my mom's home on the whole block of Main Street
This picture is of my 2 youngest brothers and their families

Niece Michelle

Niece Raquel with daughter Mia

Brother Richard and sister in laws making dinner preparations. Leanne you REALLY can make a fortune selling your cabbage rolls!

Oldest brother Claude and my mom at Ricahrd and Janet's house

Little Zacharie popping hweelies :)

Levels of Prayer

I am in my Sunday School class this past week abd we have a substitute instructor as our regular one is on holidays. I have never been in one of his classes before but I have known him for a few years and love his sense of humour so knew it would be a great class. Well it was!! Now I have been reading scriptures since who knows how long but I kept thinking "I don't remember that before" and where did he get that from. He was very animated and I followed his every word.

At one point he was talking about prayer and the faith of the prophet he was teaching about. He used an example that at times our prayers are very routine, sort of please bless so and so, I need such and such, amen and hop into bed before you get any answers. Then he went on to say he was at his mother's one day and for some reason she gave a family prayer. He said he listened to her as she prayed in earnest and he realized that is how we should be praying. So as he went on with his story it made me think of my prayers and that maybe they could be done in a little bit less routine manner.

So the other night as I knelt for prayer I was determined that I was going to pour my heart out in gratitude for all I had. I wasn't going to ask for anything I was just going to talk. I am leaving later this afternoon to see mom mom to give her some bad news and I needed reassurance that what I was doing was right. Well to make a long story short, I was talking so much that I fell asleep. I never go into REM mode and have been on medication for it for several years. The medication tries to fool my brain into thinking it is in REM mode so that it can rest and heal. Most days my brain is too smart to fall for that trick but what does happen is a couple of hours after I take it I will fall asleep regardless if I am in bed or not. The sleep comes very fast. I wish I stayed asleep that long but that is another story. Anyway in the middle of praying that 2 hour mark came and went and I went to sleep in the middle of praying. Now I have not mastered the art of sleeping and staying up on my feet in one piece or in this case on my knees in an upright position so gravity did it's thing and threw me sideways.

I do not have a night table. I have too much stuff to have a mere night table. I have a small bookcase that is home for my lamp, clock, numerous books, music boxes, pictures etc. I could have tilted to the right and just hit the floor but oh no that would have been way too easy. I tilted to the left and landed square in the middle of this shelving unit. Now had Keith put the unit together it would not have mattered what hit it. It would have stayed put. But he didn't I wanted to do it myself and used a kitchen knife to turn the screws as I couldn't find the screwdriver. I also had decided at the time I did not want the backing on the unit as then I would not have been able to get the cords through to plug things in. I mean that was supposed to be an option right?

So down I go into a very noisy unit scaring the crap out of Keith!! Now our bed is very high. I am tall and we got this bed purposely so I could basically just walk up to the bed and get in without any bending. So when Keith sat up he didn't see me as I was hunched down. He didn't know what made all that noise so when I went to sit up I scared the daylights out of him. When he asked me what on earth I was doing I said saying prayers!! He shook his head and said you fell asleep didn't you? Nope not me! I would never do that! So why are all your things off your shelves... uhhhh.. let me think of an answer to that.

Needless to say my prayers were done for the night. I had to reset my clock and that takes a science degree to do especially at 3 am! Then just when I turned the light off and was starting to nod off, one of my music boxes started to go off. I heard this deep sigh coming from Keith which turned into a very soft apology from me.

Thanks Don!! Could you give a better description in your next class??? One that doesn't involve class assignments for when they go home to practice what you preach???

Movie Critique

OK I am back on my soapbox tonight. Honestly I don't usually get on one as there are not too many things in life that get my goat but this one did. Keith and I went to the movies tonight. We went and saw a movie that looked very very good on the previews and commercials. We rarely go to movies as there aren't a lot of anything good out there these days.

Well to make a long story short, we had to sit through 13 yes count them thirteen minutes of garbage before the movie even started! Now I don't mind previews.. I mean how else would I know what is coming up that might be worth seeing.. but most of that time was taken up with commercials!! I mean get real are you kidding me??? This isn't TV this is the movie theater.. that's why we come here.. to sit through TWO hours of movie not things we can see at home.

Do you really think I care about what country roast what blend of coffee beans? Do you really think I care about fashion week in New York and Milan when toothpicks are walking down the runway wearing what looks like an explosion of a giant fruit bowl on their heads? Do you think I care about what commercials are going to be playing for the "first time" during Super Bowl? Really!! I saw the same thing 2 hours earlier on the 5:00 news! So much for first time viewing. Do you really think I care about what is staying behind in Las Vegas?

No wonder we rarely go to movies anymore!

Cost pf 2 tickets: $21.76
Cost of 1 large popcorn, 1 water, 1 pop, 1 chocolate bar: $25.44
Cost of sitting through all those commercials only to find out the movie was really bad: $priceless lesson learned

Generations in Time

I have become my mother. I am not sure when that happened but all of a sudden today I realized I have become my mother. Keith came home on Monday as I was putting the last load of laundry in the wash and I asked him to change and I could get his work clothes in the load. He was putzing around and I asked him finally a 3rd time and he said Sally don't worry about it, I can just put them in the hamper and they can go in another day. I told him no they had to go in then and when he asked why I said cause it's Monday. He stopped his work on the laptop and said what does Monday have to do with putting my clothes in the wash and I said cause I do laundry on Monday.

Yesterday I was making a pot of home made soup for dinner and when he came home he asked what was for dinner and I said homemade soup like always. He said what do you mean like always we didn't have soup yesterday or the day before and I replied no but it's Tuesday I always make soup with leftovers and meat bones from whatever I had roasted on the weekend. Still no clue.

Today I was coming home from my walk with my granddaughters and was trying to remind myself to get some ground turkey out of the freezer when I got home to make meatloaf and then all of a sudden I had a light bulb moment. It was Wednesday. My mom always made meatloaf on Wednesdays... and laundry and home made bread on Mondays, and home made soup from leftovers on Tuesdays. It took the girls asking me why I was stopping to bring me around to conscious thinking again but it made me think of all the things I do in my day to day life that is so like my mother.

Phrases I use like paper toilet instead of toilet paper, close the lights instead of turn off the lights, insides of the fridge cleaned on the 1st Saturday of the month, bed linens changed on Fridays, recipes I use that are hers, the laughing in the middle of the night for no reason just cause I am over tired and can't sleep, the locking of the doors at night and then getting up again to go check them once more, the snorts that come out of my nose from laughing too hard and not being able to catch my breath, the lullabies I sing to my grandchildren, the serving of everyone else at the table before I serve myself, and the list goes on.

I remember quite vividly telling myself growing up, that when I became an adult and moved away from home I was going to be so different... my children were NEVER going to have chores, they were going to be able to stay up as late as they wanted, I was never going to say "because I said so" I would always give my children a proper answer, my children would be allowed to have freedom to go where they wanted when they wanted and never need chaperones, my children were never going to have to babysit their younger siblings, dinners would be made of cool foods that had nothing to do with health. What ever happened to those thoughts? Where did I cross the line between wanting to be a fun parent to being a responsible parent? Actually when did I become a responsible adult in the first place?

After we got home and I got the girls settled with their craft stuff I called my mom and we talked for over an hour about absolutely nothing. We talked about things of old, things we had done together, we talked about being mothers and grandmothers. We talked about nonsense stuff that only a mother and daughter would find interesting. After we said I love you and that we had to go a dozen times and actually hung up, I realized that being my mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. I mean really, I come from her and I think she is a pretty cool grandmother, my granddaughters think I am Barbie pretty (quote and unquote) so had bad could it really be to be my mother. I can think of many worse things.

I look forward to seeing her next weekend when I fly out. I'm not looking forward to the reason I am flying out but I know that when all is said and done we still will have each other and she loves me unconditionally. I can't think of a better person to be like then my mom.

That Old Memory Again

Those of you that know me know I hate this short term memory loss and how little of it I have because of the Fibromyalgia. It drives me crazy most times but I try and make fun of it. This helps :)

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "who was that?"

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

Sad day

We just heard the very sad news that our prophet President Gordon B. Hinckley has passed away late this afternoon. Although we are terribly saddened we all know he would have been very happy to see his beloved wife. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

Great Greater Greatest

I was on another person's blog and they had this test to see if people out there that lurk while they read your posts, can help see if they are related to you and perhaps you are able to find some lost ancestor. I hope I get TONS of replies to this. Come on.. it's easy!! You do great, great great and great great great grandparents

Jean-Baptiste Cloutier
Sarah Pronovost
David Beauvais
Maximia Gibeault
Napoleon Arthur Joseph Prive
josephine Langlois
Jean Provencal
Louise Lallier

GG Grandparents
Uldoric Cloutier
Philomene Trottier
Jospeh Pronovost
Adelaide Despiens
Jean-Baptiste Beauvais
Hermine Demeres
Casimir Gibeault
Arthemise Robert
Jean-Baptise Provencal
Ester MacDonald
Louis Lallier
Lumina Lafontaine
Francois Xavier Prive
Dorothee Chicoine
Alfred Langlois
Marie Louise Cloure

GGG Grandparents
Louis Cloutier
Sophie Frigon
Jean Trottier
Josephe St. Arnaud
Francois Pronovost
Marie Anne Veilet
louis Lefebvre
Adele Brassard
Camille Beauvais
Adelaide Morotte
Jaques Demers
Zoe Pinsonneault
Antoine Robert
Elenore Jolinet
Jean Provencal
Angelique Emond
James MacDonald
Marceline Mary Lettre
Isreal Lallier
Margarit Baril
Oliver Lafontaine
Euphrosine Poirier
Jospeh Prive
Catherine Meunier
Pierre Rene Chicoine
Julie Dansereau
Henri Langlois
Henriette Chagnon
John Cloure
Mary Cloure

And yes I really REALLY would love to see yours even if it's only got 2 generations!!

Paying it Forward

So the other day on Facebook I get this message from a woman's name that I did not recognize. I was just about to hit delete without opening the message but something stopped me. I knew a few women with her first name and thought perhaps it might be one of them so opened the message. OH MY GOSH! I am so happy I did! She starts off with I hear you are writing a Cloutier book and are looking for some pictures? I'm thinking what? She goes on to say her grandmother was my paternal grandfather's sister so we were 3rd cousins!! At least I think that makes us 3rd cousins. I have not seen her in who knows how long. Anyway long story short she now has moved back to my home town has a lot of pictures and information for me!!

As if that was enough after I stopped screeching in her ear well as about as screeching as you can get online with typed words, she gave me the name of a man in Calgary who "inherited" a box and more of family pictures from his mother but as he has been going through them he notices that a lot of them have nothing to do with his family. He talks to her as he knows her grandmother was one and would she like them. So she said actually I have someone I just found who would be thrilled to take them off your hands. I called this man in Calgary last night and he is actually going to be driving from there to my mom's (which is 6 hours away)when I am there in 2 weeks to hand deliver all these pictures one of which is at least 2 feet long and was some sort of family gathering for the Cloutier's!!

I am not the least bit embarrassed to say I spent a long time on my knees last night thanking God for opening doors for me when it comes to my family history. Doors that have seemed completely locked tight. I was at the family history centre last night as there had been a training class and as I am recounting my story to my co-worker I was trying to figure out how I could scan all these pictures when I get there cause some will remain with them. Although there are my family members in the pictures, there are their family members in some of them too (small town!!) so she said no problem I have one of those small flat scanners that you can take with you and scan them at your mom's!! Could my day get any better????

I know I know you are all thinking what is she so excited about it's barely 8 in the morning!!! I am excited because of a promise I made to my grandmother Amanda Marie-Ange Beauvais Cloutier that I would make sure that I would do everything in my power to keep our family history alive.

Long Lost Cousins

Here it is at 4am and I am so excited!! I just got an email from one of my cousins Bill on my Dad's side that I have not seen or spoken to see since Dad's funeral 19 years ago!! How thrilling! I think that I have mentioned a few times on here that I am working on a very time consuming history book on my Dad's side of the family. I sent out letters to his siblings last fall hoping to get some much needed updated pictures as well as information. The information has been slow coming in but last week I got an actual real snail mail letter from the wife of Barry another one of my cousins. I couldn't believe it! I can't remember the last time I have ever gotten a real letter in my outside mail box other then from my Mom!!

It was 2 whole pages long, came with pictures and I had to make a pot of tea and sit curled up on the couch to read it. I remember those good old days of opening your mailbox and it would be stuffed with mail.. long before email came around. You would write long thick letters not these 2 paragraph stuff.. but hey I am not knocking that! I love getting mail whether it comes electronically or not! But the info is trickling in and I am just very happy to have heard from another family member. I am the most happy with my Aunt Inez who has helped me tremendously with pictures and information of our ancestors. She definitely is going in the forward of the book! I am working on a message board for the family so people can post pictures on there and their addresses, send messages to one another etc. Good way to keep in touch. But on the weekend I went to the stationary store and actually bought all sorts of writing paper to be able to use instead of printer paper lol.

I am a happy girl and I feel my grandmother is happy with me that I am working so hard to get this book done to reunite the family.

The Wednesday Letters

Now anyone that knows me knows I am always reading. If it has 2 covers and pages in between I am reading it. At times where I have gone for a long bath telling myself I am just going to sit and close my eyes to relax I end up reading the backs of shampoo bottles and other paraphernalia hanging around arm's reach of the tub I can't stop reading. So when I heard about this particular book and how it sold hundreds of thousands of copies in the first day it hit the shelves I needed it. I picked it up when we were in Alberta for Christmas and read it in one sitting.

Other then the Book of Mormon, I have never LOVED a book like I have this one.It is truly amazing! It makes you cry it makes you laugh it makes you want to throttle people but mostly it makes you believe in forgiveness and why the Lord gave us that capability. It made me think of the petty things we get upset about that really in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter. It made me think of grudges that people hold against others over such small things again in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter, and it especially made me think of a love so powerful between a husband and a wife.

It made me think of Keith and I and our love and how powerful it is. How it has held us together through thick and think, good and bad, in sickness and in health, in richness and poorness, well ok we are still waiting for the richness part, and it made me think of the sacrifices we have made for each other. I think of how he has taken care of me over the last few years with my health deterioration and now with this latest settling over our heads like a big old dark cloud. I think of all the nights after nights that he wakes up to massage my aching muscles that won't stop cramping, the times he has gotten up in the middle of the night to get dressed to go outside at 3 am to go walking with me because of restless legs; it made me think of how hard he works but will drop it all in a second to come home because I called to say I needed him.

This book touched me so much that I have started my own Wednesday letters except I call them my Friday letters. Every Friday since I read the book I slip a letter in his briefcase. He never tells me he read them but I know he looks for them. Yesterday I was up really late and had to be up very early to go for my MRI. He was going to drop me off on his way to work as it was in Vancouver. I was getting my shoes and I noticed he was rummaging through his briefcase. I asked him if he was looking for something and he just had a funny look and said oh no. I smiled inside and knew he had been looking for his letter. But I had faxed it to his work before he had gotten up so it would be waiting for him when he got there as a surprise.

I think every couple should have their own Wednesday Letters. I think every person should read this book. You can get it at Amazon.com or Deseretbooks.com or at any local bookstore. You can also borrow it from Sally's personal library if you live close enough to read it but first come first serve. I do not mind lending it out as long as I get it back.

If you want the link to the book it self it is:

http://www.thewednesdayletters.com/main.php

Have a great day and keep on writing!

Two Bones to Pick

Ok I am on a soapbox right now!! I need to vent over two separate issues! First one is about common courtesy. I swear Emily Post is turning over in her grave at the lack of manners so many people have these days. I know how we were raised in our generation. I know how my children were raised. But somewhere in there, I don't know what happened. I was raised to say please and thank you; men/boys stood up to give their seats to any female regardless of age; girls gave up their seats for their elders; you opened doors for the person behind you;

Let me give you an example of how that is NOT happening today. Well over the last couple of days. I had to take the bus a few days ago. There wasn't any seats available on the bus and I had to stand. Standing is very painful for me after a few minutes but I had a 20 odd minute ride on the bus. There were seats filled with young males but no one offered me their seat. Yes I know I am sure some of you are thinking hey it goes both ways, it's the 21st century women can give their seats up as well. Get real! It's called common courtesy.

Today I had errands to run and as most days I do it on foot as I don't have a car. I had 2 granddaughters with me so I was pushing the double stroller. I went to Office Depot, the Dollar Store, the bank, and the second hand store. At each of those stores as I was coming to the door, someone was either coming in the store or just leaving, all saw me and NOT ONE person held the door for me. Now anyone who has ever pushed a double stroller knows you need basically 40 acres to turn those puppies around and you could use some help. But nope! No one.

At 3 of the places as I was leaving someone was entering so I held the door open and not one said thank you. At the last place when they walked by I sarcastically said "You're Welcome". They turned around and said "what's your problem?" DUH!! Aren't parents teaching their children anymore? I happened to tell my almost 4 year old granddaughter the other day that she was beautiful and she just looked at me and said "Thank you". Now that is manners.

Then that brings me to my second beef today. Drivers. I swear I am going to walk around with a bat one of these days! And when I become President of the World I am going to make it mandatory that anyone who drives through a crosswalk without looking BOTH ways and giving pedestrians the right of way on a light will be made to walk everywhere for a period of time!!

I walk nearly every day, different routes, different lengths of time but every single day I have to stand at some crosswalk intersection and wait for cars to finally stop even though my light is flashing and they can plainly see me. On 72nd Ave just a few minutes from my house at the intersection I have been hit twice in the last 3 months. Not hit enough that I bruise etc as the cars have been just cruising but enough that the driver knows they hit something. They get to the corner knowing traffic is only going to be coming from their left hand side so that is the only side they look not thinking there are people trying to cross at the light on their right hand side. When I was hit yesterday I smacked my hand on the hood of the car as I yelled. The driver had the gall to start screaming at me about hitting his car and doing the old one finger waver at me! I told him he hit me and he had the audacity to tell me it was my fault for being in the intersection!! I had the walkway! I am going to always have pencil and paper with me from now on on my walks and I am going to take down license plate numbers and call in to report them. Enough is enough.

For pete's sake I am 5'10" and usually am pushing a stroller on my walks it's not like I am easily missed! Alright I feel better now for venting :)

Focused on a misson

I pretty much stayed off the computer most of the weekend.. I know!! Will wonders never cease?? I didn't even check my Shaw mail since Friday! I don't even want to tell you how much mail was sitting there this morning :( But I needed to get my life in order. I absolutely hate disorder. I hate things not in their places and not put away. I hate things stacked up in the "to do" pile, stacks of mail that has to be sorted and dealt with etc. Our one counter that has a basket on it to put mail that comes in was probably 6 inches high with stuff! Every time I sat in the living room I could see pictures out of place from when we had our Christmas things out and so everything that belonged on shelves and fireplace mantle were just behind things and so on. I finally had enough and when Keith said he had to work Saturday I thought AH HAH!

So clean I did and put everything away. I even cleaned off my scrap booking desk and organized every piece of paper. What a job! But I knew my lunch time I had already done too much but I ignored my back and my muscles and kept plodding on. Dumb Dumb dumb! I was so focused on completing my task at hand I kept going. Keith came home and just had to take a whiff of the house and got upset with me. He could smell I had been cleaning. He told me if I needed things done I should have waited till he came home and asked him to do it. Ok Keith you work 18 hour days 6 days a week and even when you are home you have so much paperwork to do for work you can barely keep your eyes open at your desk and you want me to tell you there is vacumming to be done.. yup sure I'll jump right on that!

I told him I was fine.. uh huh...sure he believed me! By evening thought I knew it had been too much but I was happy sitting in the living room watching tv with Keith. I could relax. My goal this week had been to finish off some added pages for the scrapbook I had made Mom when she had been here a year and a half ago. I am going there in a few weeks and wanted to make some new pages to add to it. But I couldn't get at it as my desk was also piled high with stuff. Now it is normalized and I can function once again.

When I went to get out of bed yesterday morning I knew I was in trouble. I felt like I had been hit with a Mack truck. I don't get this. I was very careful to not bend over or to pick up things that were too heavy. I didn't move furniture around or twist around constantly but I couldn't even lift my legs to get into the shower. So I stayed home from church and just sat in my massage chair. By mid afternoon though I got up to get dinner started but was getting really light headed. I skipped dinner as I was getting nauseous. I have these amazing anti-emetics that I found that are all natural and you just put them under your tongue and within 15 minutes the nausea is gone or at least dissipating.

But around 10 it came back and this time it didn't stop at the nausea. ROSALEEN BERNADETTE AUDREY HAYSOM!!!! You made Nana sick by throwing up on her last week!! I crashed on the couch after I cleaned up and just sipped on some ice, I kept telling myself it is mind over matter. I WILL NOT get sick. I didn't sleep well at all and although I've stopped throwing up I am tired and sore.

So much for starting on my scrapbook pages! Maybe later this afternoon or evening I will feel like moving a bit more. Oh the joys of living in a worn out body lol! And the worse part? I can't even say to Keith I am really hurting as he will give me the old evil "I told you so" look hehehehe! Well I am off to go back and lay down for a rest. Then we will attempt at life again when I get up.

A Bientot mes amis :)

S.D.D.

I know that is not the right acronym for Severe Anxiety Disorder but I just made it up. It suits my mood today. It's my acronym for Sunshine Deficit Disorder. I know it is only January not even the end of it but barely beginning but I am tired of this grey cloud that hangs over us.. makes me grey inside and cranky and out of sorts. I finally did find those pictures the other day and they were right where they belonged. In the holder on my scrapbook desk waiting for the frames. Right in front of my eyes. If I thought I could do it without pulling a muscle I would kick myself in the butt!

We had grandchildren sleep over last night.Rosaleen has been sick with a slight cold but I had laid her down for a nap on the afternoon. When she woke up she had a 102.3 fever. I normally have medicine here for kids but I was out so called Daddy who sent some over. She no sooner saw the bottle she starting crying. I got a tablet in her mout but she was so agitated that she started retching finally just throwing up. Unfortunately she was sitting on my lap at the time facing me and I got it right in the face and all down my shirt and on my lap. Poor girl!!

Got her all cleaned up and she started feeling better but kept her on water and clear fluids for the rest of the night. This morning she was cool but by mid morning she was getting cranky again not knowing what she wanted. So I laid her on the couch against her very loud wishes and within minutes fell asleep.

Lareta had an early morning appointment today so the rest of her children slept over last night as well. It was really weird having to make that much breakfasts and school lunches that early in the morning. I kept thinking I was going to forget something. I think it's Nana who is going to need a nap when Papa gets home today.

But it snowed here all night..now it has been raining since early morning so what was slush at 8 am is now 6" deep of water outside our door going past the curb and covering our driveway. Kind of takes all the fun out of watching it snow. I have had lots of work to do online today and finally brought my laptop out to work in the dining room so that I could keep an eye on the 2 little girls but out here I have to use the wireless and it keeps cutting out!! Or I send an email out but because the signal strenght is low it takes forever to send in the meantime I can't send another one out. I mean what's the point of paying to have a wireless modem and the privileges of using it if you have to carry your laptop around with you as you walk through the house finding a spot that has a stronger signal!

I need chocolate!! Cranky moods equal chocolate!! But to end on a positive note.. Safeway Pharmacy called me yesterday to say I had won 1500 airmiles!!! Our local Safeway had done some extensive renovations in October and had a re-grand opening with draws. I guess I had entered and was one of the winners!! Now I can bank these for next time I want to go home for a visit :) BONUS! They said it would take 1-2 months before it shows up on my account.... there goes that patience thing again. Why does everything always end up having to deal with patience? I swear that is why I was put on earth ----to learn patience. I obviosuly was sitting in a corner talking when God handed out that piece of strenght!!

Well that's it for now.. have a great rest of you day especially you sunshiners!!!

Mental Health Day

At different jobs in my life I have seen peers take a "mental health day" off. I could never understand that. considering I have never taken sick days off from work, I didn't understand that. But yesterday I got it. I had taken all the pictures that family members had sent us at Christmas and scanned them wanting to put them all in the new frames I had gotten. Somewhere after I finished scanning them I lost them. For ELEVEN hours I looked for these dozen or so pictures. I know I had them but then they were gone. It was really weirding me out. I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I felt like I was losing my mind. Anything else I started working on yesterday I would get completely distracted and go off looking for them again.

I wanted to make a homemade chicken pot pie for supper. I had the stock simmering for hours. I got all the ingredients chopped and finally put it in the oven. After baking for an hour or so I took it out and the crust is nice and golden brown and bubbling around the edges. It smelt soooo good!! I took it out of the oven and set it on the stove to cool a bit and went to the fridge to get some salad things and there sitting on the top shelf staring at me was the bowl of chicken breasts starting at me. I went up to Keith and said sorry but we are having VEGEE pot pie,

But that's the kind of day it was for me. I hate being discombombulated. I have no focus, Ugh I hate old age. This fibrofog that is getting to me really sucks. I firmly believe it is someone else's turn to be sick and tired!!

Movies

I love watching movies. One of my absolute favorite things to do. Lately I have gotten hooked on the TCM channel watching old black and whites that has only 1-2 screen fulls of credits at the end instead of 20 minutes worth. But Saturday we decided to rent some movies. Keith picked them out and came home with them. We are usually very careful about ratings and the reason behind the ratings. One of the movies was a Steven Segal one that I had never seen. Which is amazing in itself as I think he is a fine specimen of a man and have seen most of his movies hehehe. Anyway I checked the rating and it was PG13.. ok thats usually pretty good. No nudity.. bonus...some gun violence and fight scenes..well DUH it's Steven Segal of course there are fight scenes.. and under language where normally it states by count how many swear words there are.. stated simply "pervasive language".

What the heck was that? Neither of us knew and I was too comfortable to go find it online as we don't have a dictionary so on it went while Keith got popcorn going. Well I have to say it only took about 45 seconds into the movie to understand that pervasive language means EVERY word IS a swear word. No wonder there was no count! I'm yelling at Keith in the kitchen to turn it off as he had the remote with him but the popcorn popper was whirling away and he couldn't hear me. I went in there, turned the machine off to ask him where the remote was just as we could hear stuff that made us cringe!!!

Then he asks what on earth I was watching that had language like that and I said YOU RENTED IT!! He replies he would never rent something that bad! Ok never mind that give me the remote!. Of course had I been thinking I could have just gone and turned the DVD player off by hand. Needless to say, Rogers is going to get THEIR ears full when I get there today with them asking them why they would not have a different rating on it! But what scares me the most is what kind of idiot decided that it was ok for 13 year olds to hear that kind of language in their house?????

2007 in Retrospect

December 31st. Where on earth has this year gone? I am still looking for my summer and here it is, end of the year. It has been a very busy year.. lots of roller coaster rides, literally and figuratively. There have been moments of joy and moments of great sadness. Our daughter had 2 miscarriages and our son in law very nearly lost his life. It was a very hair raising experience.

Our one son and his wife bought their first home in Lethbridge Alberta and we got to go visit them just shortly after they moved. One of our other sons and his family have moved to a new house only a 10 minute walk from our house. I started watching their 3 year old daughter in September and that has been a wonderful blessing! Our oldest son has a new love in his life and we are so thrilled for him! No one deserves to be alone so much. We got to go to Whistler with our daughter's family for an extended long weekend in May and of course everyone knows that is about my favorite place in the world!

We had a family camp this summer! We took our 3 year old granddaughter with us for the first time for the whole week and she was just thrilled as she and her cousin pushed their dollies around in their strollers all day long in the sand dunes (well sand dunes to little arms trying to push plastic wheeled strollers).

Our son Kim and his family came out in August for a week for a family wedding so got to spend some time with them and the grandchildren and that is always a good thing.We had Thanksgiving dinner at our youngest son's home this year for the first time. He was very excited to host his first official family dinner with most of the family there. It was weird though to sit there and not have done any cooking!

I got a new calling in November.. Director of the Stake Family History Centre. Completely took me off guard! I don't know what surprised me the most.. that someone thought I was that capable of doing the job or that I had said yes to it! But I love family history. I am very passionate about it and anything that helps me do that can only be deemed a bonus!

We just came back from 8 days of Christmas vacation in Alberta and that was very wonderful! We have only been there once before for Christmas and again that was weird being on the receiving end of a dinner that someone else labored so lovingly over. I was a 2 year old granddaughter's only thing on her Christmas wish list and how much more perfect of a life is that?

I got to spend a couple of weeks with my mom at her home this summer. What a treat that was! I have never done that. Being alone with her I mean. I have always at least had Keith with me or the kids etc. It was just mother and child/woman to woman/friend to friend and I left there a better person for it.

What have I learned over the past year? That nothing and I mean NOTHING can take the place of family. Although ours can be a tad dysfunctional at times (and I say that quite lovingly of course) we are a strong family. Nothing comes between any of us. We are there for each other in time of need no matter what that need is.

I have learned my faith is stronger then ever. My faith in God. My faith in mankind. My faith in others doing the right thing for the right reason. My spirituality has grown and that is a wonderful thing. My life has been richly blessed being able to share it with Keith by my side. I could not in a million years have found a better soul mate, a help mate, then he. He has unconditional loved me literally through thick and thin as I have struggled with my health and pain.

I have learned that if you have love in your life you can overcome all obstacles and mountains that can seem to be unsurmountable at times. I believe that God has a greater power then I do and that I need to turn my life to Him. When my dad was alive and going to AA I had done a needlepoint for him that had the Serenity Prayer on it and I still to this day believe in it!!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

What do I want in my life this coming year? Sleepovers with my grandchildren; hugs from my children; I love you's from my family and friends; more time with my brothers; visits out here from ANYBODY in our extended family; walks with my daughter; phone calls that are for no reason other then just because; closer relationships with my daughters/son in laws; continued friendships with my "almost sisters"; to finish my history book on my father's family line and lastly I wish for a peaceful year in our family, a year of renewed love with God for all our children and to be able to do it all with Keith, my children and grandchildren by my side with their love and arms around me.

Happy New Year Everyone!

What have you done today?

I heard this song the first time about 4 years ago and it became my "mentor" so to speak. I listened to it every day on my walks, when I was cleaning house, anything... I listened to it over and over again. It was what got me going to lose my weight, it was what got me through the rough periods as I came back to my faith after a period of idiocy and right now it has become my sidekick once again. If I knew how to post an actual song I would do that. If someone knows how please feel free to let me know and I will post it again as you lose the concept just reading the words but read anyway... :-)

"Proud" by Heather Small

I look into the window of my mind Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Still so many answers I don't know Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way Can't stop me now
And you can do the same What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

We need a change Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising We need a change
So do it today 'Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Yep, you can call me an idealist, a dreamer and a sentimental fool. But hey, if I wasn't that, I wouldn't be such a Polyanna as my mom used to call me, probably... Now off you go, and do something good in this world while I am on holidays :)...

OOOPs

I forgot to add our Christmas preparation pictures in my last post.

Christmas Past

I haven't posted for a couple of weeks which isn't like me. I talk to much to not be posting on here but I have been writing in my regular journal so have no fear! I have just been dealing with demons and that is taking a lot out of me. We had our family Christmas dinner last Friday and we had decided this year to host it in the common room where we live.. way MORE space (which when you count how many people are here its a good thing=). At least in theory. There was more room. There was a pool table, sitting area for the kids to play their WII game, couches for moms to sit and visit and then of course huge tables to sit down. We actually for the first time ever in years all sat down at the BIG PEOPLE table.. everyone.. even the children.. they felt so grown up it was very cute,

But the downside was we had to be out at midnight which was ok as I was tired but we hadn't eaten till 8 and by the time we finished that and then opened presents it was getting close to the witching hour. After spending all day hauling things up a long flight of stairs I was dreading packing it all up to get it all home. Everyone did their part but Keith was still vaccuming at 1:30 am. I told him when we walked back into our place that we had to figure something else out as when we walked in the front door we were met with boxes and more boxes of things. Everything had been dropped in our front hall. GROAN

I made Keith go to bed as he had also been working at his job all day so was very tired. I put all the food away thinking I'll clean up the rest when I got up. But when Keith got up and started putting things away he came across a box that held the ham, mashed potatoes, all the salads I had worked so hard out, all the cheeses etc.... all gone cause they had been left out. I was so mad when I woke up!!! I sat down with Keith and said we need to figure some other way of having Christmas dinner with our children and grandchildren as this is NOT working for me. I worked very hard for days before making special dishes and decorating and it is just physically draining on me. I spent the next 3 days before I truly was able to climb into the shower by myself and get dressed. I just can't do that anymore. So I have a year to figure it out.

One of the things that has made me think these last couple of weeks have been our Christmases of past. I thought of our first Christmas where Keith had gotten laid off 2 days before Christmas. He said that we had to use his last cheque to pay our tithing to the Lord and he would provide. I was brand new in this new church and thought no way Heavenly Father would let our children go without Christmas but Keith was adamant. so He hurried the next morning to go drop off a cheque with the Bishop and then one to our mortgage company leaving with nothing to buy gifts with for our children.. I was heartbroken but the next day Christmas Eve I got a call from the school saying that every year they collect hampers for Christmas and then distribute them to needy families. They felt because we had 5 small children under the age of 6 and that our 2 5 year olds and our 6 year old went there that we might need things. I said YSSS!!! Are you kidding me?At this point pride goes out the window!. I mean what was I going to say? SO I told them after 1 would be good as they would all be down for naps by then. We literally filled our bedromm from top to bottom with things and the kitchen was wall to wall with boxes of food. I sat down and bawled my eyes out as I realized the true meaning of tithing. It wasn't just doing it when things were easy but rather when you should. We had been so blessed that very first Christmas together I will never forget that nor ever forget the importance of tithing ever again. It brought me literally in tears on my knees asking for forgiveness for my lack of faith that He would provide for us if we but did as we needed to. And He did. The children had a wonderful Christmas. I tried looking for a picture of all the gifts wrapped under the tree but couldn't find it. So instead I will post the ones of the children for our first Christmas and our tree this year. Keith always asks for a tree that has matching ornaments or all one color but I tell him we have a memory tree. Every ornament has a story behind it, the children have made them our grandchildren have made them . Each child and grandchild and their spouses have their own decoration that goes on. You can't have a perfect tree when you have a memory tree and that is why we celebrate Christmas. To remember whose birthday it really was and to celebrate his birth. Being together to do that is the greatest gift of all and I am truly blessed to have a family that loves me, grandchildren who call me Barbie pretty, and a husband who unconditionally loves me. What more could a girl ask for?

I went through our Christmas box that holds those pictures and came across a couple I was looking for. They were 2 that had been taken when we were still living on our own with our kids. It was so bizarre as we had taken the pictures at the same mall with the same Santa on the same day literally minutes apart as the numbers on the pictures are three apart! Then we have a picture of our first Santa picture as a new family. Do not ask me why I allowed my daughter out of the house wearing a pink shirt and summer polka dotted green skirt but she was very adamant about her choices of clothes. Ok but don't sit near me hehhe just kidding Lareta... I still love you!So you go from those very first family pictures and then one of them all grown up with their families and I look in awe as I see that Heaven;ly Father has truly sent me the very best family one could ever ask for.

This year we leave in 2 days to go to our one son's home for Christmas with them and I am like a kid in a candy store waiting to see them again. I miss them terribly and it will even be worse next year as we are determined not to spend a single penny that is not absolutely crucial so that next Feb 2009 we are planning a huge family trip to Hawaii with all the kids and grandkids with us. So we'll be saving every cent available to us which means no traveling anywhere or eating out or shopping needlessly. That is going to be tough!! Sorry Lareta! :( No more lunches out at Hearty Boys/ They are going to miss our smiling faces!!

It will be a hard Christmas...We have to go through some family things and it's important for me this year to "please everyone", make sure everyone is happy. I was up till after 4AM today and then got up 3 hours later so I am very tired. I have to be downtown Vancouver today and I am not looking forward to doing that in the pouring rain. I hurt and I am tired. I was working on the staff scheduling till 4 this morning and still found mistakes before I went to bed and now have to fill holes once again. Back to the drawing board :( Breathe in Breathe Out!

So as I close this probably last post before we leave I would like to wish those who post with me a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! And to those of you who just read I wish you as well a great Merry Christmas.. May next year be the year you share your thoughts with me :) Take care, be safe, and I sincerely wish for all of you to know the true meaning of Christmas!

Buh Humbug

Here I sit wondering why on earth I can't get into the Christmas spirit. I am just going through the motions and yet don't feel it inside. Our tree is up, most of my baking is done. But Keith is totally wrapped up with a huge project at work so hasn't had the time to put up the outside lights (I physically am not able to otherwise I just would do it myself), my angel that goes on top of the tree is still sitting on the dining room table as he has been too swamped to work on it to see what's wrong. He bought me that angel for our 1st Christmas together so it is 19 years old and it means a lot to me to have it ON our tree working.

We are having our family Christmas dinner this Friday as we leave next week for Alberta to be with our one son and his family so our dinner is 10 days early. The rest of our family aren't very happy with the situation as it means no dinner with family on the 25th. We haven't figured out what we are going to do with our stockings either as Santa always fills them and if we have them for the kids on the 14th then how did Santa fill them so we might just wait till we get back and have them open them there saying Santa came here while we were gone.

The littlest thing is such a struggle these days. I am over tired. My physio is not helping and I no longer can do it first thing in the morning before I got out of bed otherwise I could NOT get out of bed and that is just not acceptable.It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I haven't watched a single video that we normally watch like The Miracle on 34th Street and It's a Wonderful Life, the radios aren't even on to listen to music.

To top it off, Sudafed no longer manufactures the allergy medication that I have been taking for years. The pharmacist finally explained why I have not been able to locate it anywhere. They said it had been substituted for a different formula and it would work the same. Guess What? It does not. Thanks alot to you drug dealers and addicts out there that misused something that help the rest of us. Because of you now I have to go without and suffer with allergy induced migraines.

Could I possibly sound any crankier? I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Literally.

Beginning of Christmas Season

Yesterday our daughter and I went out and got some supplies to make a Christmas wreath. We both have had ours for years and we thought we could easily do one as nice as what was in the stores for qa fraction of course. And technically had we just gotten exactly what we needed for just 2 wreaths we would have been fine. But of course never having made one before we bought WAY TOO MUCH stuff ending up with enough to do half a dozen wreaths. Plus add in the gas driving around looking for one store, lunch out, all the extras we bought in the store that was second only to literally heaven to scrapbookers we would have been fine. As it was we spent enough have gone away overnight at a hotel hehehe. But it was all worth it!

Physio

So yesterday was my first visit with the physiotherapist. Did not go actually as she had planned. She had me stand straight up against a wall with my back and feet touching the wall as well. She checked my spine and said that normal people will actually have their back curving inwards to their belly button but mine curved towards the back. She could not even get a hand there. so she did some exercises to try and get me to do that. nOpe not going to work. So she had been stand in front of her to watch me walk back and forth. She said I had terrible posture. No ya think?? I am in constant pain because I can't walk properly or lay down yadda yadda yadda yes my postures is going to be bad, DUH!

then she tried to press her fingertips along the spine to feel the vertebrates and I told her to NOT touch the lumbar and sacral ones please. She was going along and then made the mistake of touching the ware. Down I went right on my face, I thought I was going to pass out. They had to come in and lay me down as I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or pass out I got so sick from the pain.

She finally was able with some help, come to a conclusion that are my muscles around my spine and leg/pelvic joints are not applicable in this case. They are just sitting there looking pretty. So she gaveme some ultrasound for abit to try adn elliviate the pain as she did not want me to leabve while I was like that but I said that's ok trust me i live like this every day.

I used to beg for one day just one day of ppain free day but now months later I just pray for one hour pain free. Life would be so simpler,So here it is 1am and have been out of bed for my morning routine of pacing the floor around around around my house so I don;t have to sit down. And my mission tomorrow is to locate Clippers Street Store if it kills me. I Have driven in that supposedly area for a year now so really am hoping to find it.

That of course along with Montanas Waffle dessert!! No kidlets tomorrow. Dearest Uncle Curt will be watching the girls so it will be kid free day and jus ta mother daughter day to do soome Christmas shopping. I have my purse packled with all my drugs and I am going to SHOP till I drop. We both want to maek our very own front door wreaths tomorrow and make some "Carm Balls" :)

Now I just have to figure out how to do thi swhen I can't even figure howe to go to bed LOL

But I have yet to lose my sense of humour lol

Short and Sweet

Life would be so good if we could freeze moments in time.. a time when we were the happiest but we can't. So we find ourselves retracing our footsteps. We strive to remember our connections even as time wipes our slates clean. And we strive to make new connections that we hoe time will indulge. When communications fail, words remain behind, proof that we were here.. that someone cared. In the end our past may be all that we have and all that we leave behind.

I have been working on some projects here for gifts and for some classes I have been teaching. I don't have a "crafty" bone in my body, that was my sister Adele's talent, but I like doing it even if they do tend to come out a tad lop-sided at times. But what the heck...at least I can say they are one of a kind and unique hehehe. So here are a couple of pictures of my new front door wreath that I made a couple of weeks ago as well as photo albums that you make with card stock and scrapbooking papers. This class I taught on Saturday as well as one on one plus making them for presents. Now if only I could learn how to take pictures!!

OOOPS I just noticed the closeuup of the wreath picture.. I guess I know what I will be doing with my front door in the spring!!

The album folds into a 6 1'2" square then you open it into an accordion type album.

The Shopping Network Channel

I want to officially go on record to say that a person should never EVER watch the Shopping Channel in the middle of the night when they can't sleep. Ever. I was up earlier this morning or is still considered night if it is 3 am, and was flipping channels when I accidentally hit #17. I rarely watch that channel as I don't get hooked into buying things online or from the TV. That's Keith's job. He gets sucked in by telemarketers all the time. But not me. Till a little while ago. I don't know if it was just because I had just taught a class of about 30 women how to do scrapbooked photo albums on the weekend or the presenter was very animated but I was mesmerized!!!

Now I have more supplies, paper and cardstock then Micheal's I am sure but I didn't have what was on my TV. And when you have a 50" TV that's a whole LOT Of cool looking stuff that was dangled in front of my eyes. I actually was pretty good about not getting it till they said "And now for ONE minute only if you order now you can make TWO payments of..." groannnnn.. I was a goner!

SO I guess today I have to do some work in here while I am still on the search of my birth certificate to make room for my new stuff. I think I need to lock that channel up.

Countdown to Christmas

Is it time yet???

13 more big sleeps till we take the grandchildren to go chop down our Christmas tree

34 more big sleeps till we get to Alberta to be with our son and his family

38 more big sleeps before the BIG DAY

Back to Nature

I really hate these waking up at 4:30 days. I don't know what gives or why this happens so much but it sure makes for extremely long days. I was watching a news story yesterday and sorry but I forgot already what show it was but they had a health section on it where they were discussing the chemicals we use to clean our house. Then they went on to say the illnesses we suffer and our children suffer can originate from these chemicals.

Now I have a sensitivity to smells. If I walk past a place that is tarring a roof it means a migraine in literally seconds. Mold does the same thing. Because of the rain in our neck of the woods and window frames that aren't the best, we get a lot of moisture buildup on the windows and sills. If I don't wipe these down every day mold forms. Our bedroom is the worst as I have to keep the blinds shut as it is near the main entrance to the building and having people looking into our window does not thrill me. So at times I forget to wipe that window down. Then what happens is I go to wake up in the morning and my face feels like it met with a brick wall. It reminds me of the window. Keith then has to spray Tilex on there but I can't even be in the house for hours after he uses it as it makes me so sick.

Ok I am rambling.. sorry... so when I was watching this show it made me think of the mold and the Tilex and the bleach I use etc etc and it also made me think of my grandchildren that are always here. So I decided to make a conscious effort to go back to using natural products to clean. So I will be off to the library when it opens to see what I can find for books of switching over.

I remember growing up our cleaning products consisted of comet and pine sol. Period. Vinegar and water were used to wash windows, baking soda for sinks and counters. The Comet was for the toilets. One father 4 brothers enough said! I don't know how successful it will be but I shall keep you all posted. Although in my defense I don't know how I will live without my Mr. Clean wipes and Vim spray!!!

Middle of the night rantings

My brain just will not stop talking tonight so finally got up and decided to answer a bunch of emails that were sitting in my inbox. Then I decided in honour of the fall season I would change the look of my blog to reflect the fall colors. I hate fall.. at least out here. The colors are a rainbow of oranges, vivid reds, many shades of green, yellows and browns. It is absolutely gorgeous as we watch the trees change color. But with fall comes the rain and with that comes pain. Hey that rhymes!!

So I changed the colors on my blog. I can't change Mother Nature although I do try but I can at least show my respect by doing the colors. What do you all think? Yes you I am talking to you lurkers that tell me you always read it hehehe. Thought I couldn't see through my magic screen huh?

Me and Celine

I am soooo excited!!! I just found out tonight that Celine Dion is coming to Vancouver in Oct next year!! I am absolutely thrilled like you can not even imagine. Celine and I are best buds and have been forever! Well..........ok this best buds is only for real in my imagination but I have a very vivid imagination and for me if my mind can percieve then I can achieve. Right?

Tickets go on sale this coming Friday and when I was yelling at Keith through the house she was coming he asked how much the tickets were I said I have no idea but that I was going. He reminded me that we had agreed we would not do any large purchases as we are saving madly for our big trip taking our children and grandchildren to Hawaii and I said..oh sure rain on my parade why don't you! He said well Sally you have to decide where your priority is. So I smiled and said with you!! And supporting you while you work an extra couple of shifts of OT heheheh Then I ran!

Doors... Windows... Families

I think we all have heard that saying "when one door closes a window opens"? Or something to that effect anyway.. well that is what has happened in my life in the last 3 days. Doors closing, windows opening, no one telling me the screens were still in the windows and through this all I have smiled I have cried but mostly have just been shaking my head all weekend.

First the good news... I was checking my mail and there was one by someone I did not recognize the name and almost deleted it till I noticed a familiar name in the subject box. Here was a cousin of my mom's who had found me through a family web site that someone in that line had done. I had gotten the website admins' name from another cousin of my mom's that I had been speaking to since early summer. We had been exchanging family information on that line.

So that was 2 new cousins I had never spoken to before this summer.. add the new one on the weekend and now we have 3.. count them ONE TWO THREE!! I was squealing so loud that Keith came running in the room to see what was wrong and then just snorts when I told him and he just left the room as if to say ok when will I learn not to come running when Sally squeals while on the computer!

I sat here and read and reread the email I don't know how many times. She had even sent pictures so I had to check all my cousins out (Nice to know good looks runs in the same family hehehe). I had tears coming down my cheeks I was so thrilled. Whoever said the internet was an evil thing obviously was not here on Saturday. It was a great thing.. the window part of the closed door part of my weekend. I had already posted that I had missed out on my trip to Seattle because I had misplaced my birth certificate which I still have not found by the way.

But as great as that has been for me, there was still one more window that opened after a door closed this weekend. I got a call last week to come in for a meeting. I volunteer part time at the family history centre helping others with their genealogy. Funny how I can so easily help others plow through their brick walls but that one of mine, Marie Louise Cloure, sure refuses to budge. Anyway, I was asked to become the new Director of the Family History Centre. Are you kidding me? The first thing out of my mouth was "I don't think my feet are big enough to fill her shoes" which is funny ironic as I wear a size 11 shoe but he just looked at me and said we are not expecting you to fill her shoes we expect you to wear your own shoes.

Today in a meeting of hundreds of people the other Director stood as she was released from her calling and I was asked to stand as I was introduced as the new Director. She was about 15 or so rows ahead of me but she turned around when my name was called and I blew her a big kiss which she returned. People must have thought we were weird. Well we are what can I say? At times in life as women (at least in my little mind) we have what I call "almost sisters". These are women that for some reason are instantly bonded to you in life even from the very first moment that you meet. Something just clicks right. She clicked right with me right from the first day we met.

After the meeting I went and found her and we hugged. All weekend I have been shaking my head thinking how the heck am I going to do this. There are others that work there that have been there for years.. why not call them to do this work? I talk too much, I ask too many questions, I am too much of a perfectionist, I step on toes at times.. why me? I guess God has His reasons. I got an email from another of my almost sister Carmen and she put things into perspective which she always does.

So I didn't get to go to Seattle, I lost the folder that held not only my birth certificate but also the baby pictures of my 12 grandchildren (get it? birth certificate... birth pictures? I know I know I am weird), but I found a new cousin, a new job and an almost sister. What more could a woman ask for these days?

Consequences and Actions

Our children were raised on the premise that there are always consequences to your actions. Sometimes they are good other times not so good. My last entry showed some pictures of my incredibly disorganized office. I am not like that. I like knowing where everything is and where I can put my fingers on something at any given moment. It was driving me crazy working in here but I had too many things on the go to stop and put things away as I was working. Wrong.

I literally spent the last 24 hours searching the entire house for my birth certificate. I did not go to bed or sleep at all last night as I tore through the rooms. Even had Keith lift the washer and dryer up at 5:30 this morning in case by some strange coincidence it had fallen behind either of them although why that would have happened I do not know. But nothing.

I had planned on going to Seattle with 2 other women this weekend to attend a large family history seminar this weekend. We had agreed to go on the Friday night and share the cost of a hotel room and then did not have to worry about the border line up Saturday morning. Now I feel like I let them down.

I have cleaned my office to where it should have been but never found the card. I tried calling that office asking how I go about getting a replacement one this morning and they laughed and said to try again. I have to apply in writing and it will take a minimum 2 weeks for it to come from Victoria.

I am sad right now.. really sad. Keith at one point when I called him for the hundredth time this morning, said maybe there was a reason why I was not to go. I hate it when he uses that logic on me :( The way I looked at it, if I wanted something bad enough I must have needed it. One of the classes I had registered for was on the new program Legacy!! I absolutely have fallen in love with the graphics on it. We have the deluxe version of it at our family history centre so I wanted to take a class on how to maneuver through it. And with the exchange rate of course was planning on SHOPPING!

Oh well I guess those are the consequences of my actions. I also guess you are never too old to practice what you preach to your children!

End of Projects

I finally completed 3 projects I had on the go for the last month and a bit and I am so happy. Even though they were projects I REALLY enjoyed doing, it still took a lot of time in preparation (yeah I know that OCD perfectionism thing again). Because I had different ones on the go I never seemed to get one completely done before I started another one as they were all running concurrent. This morning I came into my office to clean up, took one look at all the stuff NOT in their proper place, took some pictures to post on here and I am going to back out of the room very quietly, close the door and go find something chocolate to eat!

Family Families and more Familiest stuff

This is my paternal grandparents Benoit and Amanda Cloutier. This was taken at their 25th anniversary
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These are my maternal grandparents Albert and Clara Provencal. My mother is at the back row 2nd from the right.

This was taken July 1989 the weekend we moved to BC. It was a reunion for my dad's side of the family. The next year he died.

This is my maternal grandmother's family reunion in the summer of 1987. I had missed this one as Keith had just gotten off a 9 month strike and we could barely put food on the table even with 2 jobs each.


THis was the beginning of our new family. A culmination of all the hard work in the pictures above. THAT is what I am going to pass down to my descendants. Now I know had my dear freind Carm would see what is passing off as scrapbppked pages she would be screaming into the sunset!!!! lol

This has to be by far the MOST hectic and emotional, mental and spiritual roller coaster I have ever been on in regards to anything with my family. It started on the wrong foot a couple of weeks ago when I went to set the VCR to tape something I wasn't going to be home to watch and so I pop the tape in. As I am setting the VCR, my brain catches up with my eyeballs at what I saw on the tape and ejected it. When I have blank tapes I mark them blank and use them for day to day taping of things. Anything that needs to be saved gets a locked tab and is clearly marked. Well this was clearly marked "Christmas 1997" and "Summer 2000". Now anyone that knows me knows how much my videos of my family get together means to me. Especially the summer of 2000 as the was the summer after my sister died and ALL of us siblings AND all of our children went home to mom's to recuperate. I was so hoping that I had just grabbed it by error and there was nothing on it but family but no such luck. It was all gone :(

I have been working on going through this large box of pictures I got from my mom and that has hit me so hard. Pictures of family get together at my grandparents farm with all my family, all the memories made it hard to keep emotions in check knowing there would be no more going back to either of my grandparents farms as all of them have died.

Every picture had a memory and I could only work on a few at a time scanning them as it was too much sensory overload. She also had given me another box of negatives so took those in to be developed. One batch was from a family reunion in 1989 of my Dad's family and to celebrate his mom's 80th birthday! We weren't there as it was the same weekend we were moving to BC. So that was hard to deal with.

I have been working on personal history last couple of weeks working on our family story for the book I want to write. Writing down every memory I have ever had of my ancestors, every story I was ever told. I remember sitting at my grandmothers table having tea as they told stories of the "good old days"

I have been using the month of October as Family History Month which it has been and I have been using a different theme each week and doing a big display for it. My camera isn't very good but I will post some pictures of the display. This week is the final week and I am going to show how writing your history isn't just about writing in your journal "Tuesday 8:15 I swept and washed the kitchen floor again". It's about bridging the history from your ancestors to your descendants.

I have to teach in Relief Society as well as my regular family history class on Sunday and I have been struggling with my projects. Not that the projects are difficult to do. The opposite. When I'm busy doing that it takes my mind off my pain lemels and what I CAN'T do. But it brought up huge amounts of emotions.. things I had forgotten about, things I did not want to every remember and things I will never again be a part of. For someone whose whole life is family oriented it has been a rough last 2 weeks.